I really wish I were better at stick people. That way, I could draw you all a picture of what happens when a small framed woman ventures into Home Depot alone on a Saturday morning.
(updated: I give you a crap version of what I wish I could give you as an illustration. Just take it.)
(Also added: Mike wanted me to put boobs (and a vagina) on my picture. I said no. This is called "creative license")
I find exactly what I want, a paint trimmer, and decide to browse the aisles for a few minutes since I'm in a rare state known as Free Of Offspring.
I find myself still in the paint section, contemplating whether it'd be safe to go ahead and purchase the supplies for refinishing my bedroom dresser, deciding that it's best not to start that project until the walls are finished. While I'm standing there, a nice employee asks "Can I help you with anything?" and I politely turn down his offer.
I move over an aisle, still checking out the paint, when another friendly worker asks the same question and I, again, turn down the help. "I'm just browsing, thanks." I say.
Ok. Done with paint. (I am super excited about refinishing this dresser though!)
Time to go home? Ehhh, not yet. I walk over to the rugs giving that our large living room rug is currently rolled up and sitting in our foyer. A victim of last week's stomach bug and also of Charlie's revenge for the new puppy, said rug is now covered in a comforting mix of dog urine, vomit and spilled milk (Chase's fault).
I have plans for a Redneck Rug Cleaning: one rug, my driveway, a sunny weekend day and the water hose.
Anyways. I browse the rugs during which time another employee asks if I'd like any assistance. "Nope, I'm good" I insist.
Moving on to bathroom fixtures, we are unhappy with the ones that came "with" this home; they were just something we didn't think about when picking out 'upgrades' and they don't match. During my 3 minute rendezvous with the bathroom fixtures, another employee offers his "services".
Let me wrap this up by saying my next, and final browsing, was down the aisle with lots of stuff I didn't need. At the end of this aisle were two workers stocking shelves.
Guy In Orange #1: Can I help you with something?
Me: No thanks.
Guy In Orange #1: You sure?
Me: Yes. I got what I need. Thanks.
Guy In Orange #2: You look like you need some help.
Me: Really? No. I'm ok. I'm just browsing.
Guy In Orange #2: Ok. But if you are lost, I can help.
OMG REALLY? I'm not LOST and by "I got what I need, thanks" what I mean is "LEAVE ME ALONE".
What is so hard about this? Just because I'm female and 'browsing' in a hardware store I'm automatically "lost and confused". There are shelves and shelves of tools and things that require torque and Man Juice, and because I'm in their proximity and With Vagina I'm SURELY in need of a pair of balls and someone in an orange vest to hold my hand.
Poor neglected blog! It's been a whole week since I put up an actual post with some substance! But, I have good reason. Or 4 reasons since all 4 of us had the stomach bug/flu from Friday to Tuesday. I have no idea how we survived.
In non-vomit related news, I've been in Super Tease Mode for a week now because I have a HUGE (ok, it's only big to me) (that's what she said?) news for next week. Tenatively, I expected to announce it by next Thursday, but I'm starting to think that a) I'm ahead of schedule and b) I just have NO patience.
I've never been one for huge surprises, mostly because patience feels like a time bomb in my viens.
Just so you know, I'm really excited and can't wait to share with all of you. How about I finish up a few lose ends and go ahead and show all of you on Monday?
Tosh.o slays me. Watch it. Comedy central. Fridays. No idea what time. Google it.
As many of you know, Layla Grace went to Heaven on Tuesday, March 9th.
I don't really know what to say. Please keep her family in your thoughts and prayers.
I mentioned Chuggington on twitter, a new show on the Disney channel. Chase is IN LOVE. Talking trains? Yes, please.
Something I've noticed recently with Chase, he sings a lot. Any show with a theme song that he's heard more than 5 times and he's got at least a few words memorized. Funny enough, memorizing songs is something I've always been good at - too bad I can't sing worth crap.
Yesterday, I drove both boys to Birmingham for a pulmonology check-up at Children's for Conner. It just blows my mind to see them walking together into the hospital after all Chase went through.
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