23 September 2007

No Internet

It's a sad time in the Zaremba household. Michael's p.o.s. computer finally bit the dust with a fried motherboard and we are in "financial ruin" to the point that we can't buy one right now. This is the FIRST time in... well... since I first had the internet at age 9 that I've gone more than a 10-day period without using the computer. Sad... yet geeky all at the same time.

It's killing me, yet freeing up alot of time to get my nesting bug itched around the house. The Mac is going to be driven to the Ham sometime this week to see if they can give it a swift kick to the hardrive and make it magically work again (not even sure why it's broken anyways...). If that fails... NEW APPLE TIME! Woohoo! But that won't be for another month... sniff, sniff.

So, in the meantine if you need me - CALL ME! If you want my number, and aren't Ashley... then bug her for it! (Sorry Ash for putting you on task... but be picky when deciding on who to give it to... thanks in advance.. p.s.- no one will ask, so you are in the clear.) If you don't know Ashley, then shame on you. You probably know Mary though... so email her at msmary0828@aol.com - she also needs a date.. so you know... send all applicants to the same aforementioned email addy.

Glucose test next week - boo. Conner is doing smashingly. I am getting over being sick, yay. I'll keep in touch best I can. I only get one hour a week at Michael's work! Sorry for spelling errors.. no time to proofread.


12 September 2007

Girl Talk

I stumbled upon a blog today that had me cracking up by the 3rd post. There I found this list of 12 things to prepare you for parenthood that couldn't be more true. Enjoy!

Preparation for parenthood...

It's not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a pillowcase filled with beans down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it -- it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5 pm to 10 pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious noise) playing loudly. At 10 pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1 am. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45 am. Get up again at 3 am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am. Put the alarm on for 5 am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds, then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a bag made out of loose mesh. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this: all morning.

6. Take an egg carton, using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Last, take a milk carton, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Pops and make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations! You have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

7. Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the cd player. Take a family-size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a preschool child -- a fully-grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month-old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Thomas the Train, Dora the Explorer, and the Wiggles.

When you find yourself singing "I’m the Map, I’m the Map, I’m the Map" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

Too funny!I found myself singing "It's almost time for the big party, It's almost time for the big party" right before Conner's 2nd bday bash. It's funny how those songs stick!

10 September 2007

She's Not That 'Into-it'

We all recall (at least most of us do) having stage fright at some point in our lives. My most memorable moments include forgetting the steps and messing up in colorguard try-outs one year and my infamous COMS 101 speech that I came to class not even knowing we had a speech due (it was the second week of school, come on!). Usually, we take our hits and misses with a grain of salt, noting that you the person that messed up are probably making a bigger deal out of it than necessary and that no one else barely even noticed (you hope).

Not the same if your name is Britney Spears.

Between flipping channels for Michael's two Sunday favs: The Two Coreys and Rock of Love with Bret Michaels (he has interesting tv taste)... we landed on the VMA's. After all the hype, we couldn't NOT watch the opener with Ms. Spears. Within the first 8-count, I was mortified for her.

She looked so incredibly frightened. Like this was her first time on stage, she was naked AND people were already laughing at her. Most of that is actually half-true. Her number consisted entirely of her dancing as if she were in the corner of a poorly lit night club. The type of dancing you do when you HAVE to dance in a certain situation only to blend in. She barely moved. The poor thing missed several key moments AND occasionally forgot to keep moving her lips, as she WAS supposed to be "singing" (we all know by now she lip syncs, I'd do the same.. I mean... with all that moving... who could sing?).

I kept asking Michael if this was for real.

I normally don't find myself feeling bad for celebrities or Britney Spears for that matter but I have never witnessed someone appearing to be so overwhelming in shock on LIVE tv in front of millions of viewers at home, for a "come-back", in front of peers. Gracious that's harsh. Then, to KNOW you've messed up and will be harped on the next day by anyone with a news ticker (or blog..). I know she gets paid for this and has oodles of money.. but come on..

My only question is why she just didn't fake it. I think somewhere deep inside me I would muster up some strength to go "all out" some time in the 3 minute performance as to not look like a total train-wreck: but she didn't.

I guess Criss Angel can only work so much magic.

06 September 2007

In 500 words or less...

A long-time friend of mine, Chasity, has 2 children: a boy and a girl ages 2 and 3, respectively. I remembered the other day that once while playdating with her at her house, she had compiled a list of all the words her little girl (then 2) could say. When I first saw it, I thought about how neat that would be to look back on in a few years (or 10), and decided that if I remembered it when Conner started talking I would do the same. However, I think if I wrote it down and put it on my frig, as she did, it would NEVER make it into a baby book and would be more likely to end up being turned over and made into a scribble page or a grocery list, then discarded. So here is my digital version for all the world to see.

This list will be added to over the next few weeks, as to get an accurate account of the words Conner can say in his 27 month:

People and Pets:
Mamma, Dadda, Nana (my mom), Charlie ("Chi"), Squishy ("she"), Baby

Banana, Grape ("Gape"), Juice-Juice, Drink, Cheese (thanks to Aiden), Chicken ("Shicken"), Cookie, Chip, Dip-Dip (chip dip), "Yum", "Bite", Water, Eat

Greetings and Sayings:
Hello (and also Hey and Hi), Bye, Night-Night, Kiss, See you!, "Where did it go?", "I dunno", Come here (usually "mere"), No, No-Nos, Uh-oh, Yes, Please ("Peez"), Thanks ("Tanks"), Hurt, Mine, You sleep ("You seep"), Hot, Go

Sheep, Moo, Pig (although not properly pronounced...), Roar (Lion), Dog, Meow (a cat), Bird, Frog ("fog"), Dragonfly ("gonfly"), all bugs are called "ewww"

Moon, Bowl, Swing, Chair (which is used as both the noun and as a verb meaning to sit), Sit, Remote ("Mote"), Bath, Spoon, Truck, Train, Ball, Shoe, Book, Bra (we took a trip to Victoria Secret and that's what he learned), Door, Light ("ight"), Balloon (more commonly "boon")

Colors and Numbers:
Blue and Green (he recognizes these plus red and yellow, but can't say them yet, and obviously he still slips up on getting them right sometimes), One, Two, Three, Five (poor 4...)

Parts of the body:
Eyes, Nose, Mouth, Teeth, Ear, Foot, Butt (we don't know WHY he picked up butt, and we are trying to change it to booty or something else, but for now... he knows butt.. *sigh*), haha... he also knows Boobie ("Oobie") - yikes.
...and he understands PLENTY more body parts but hasn't said them yet

More to come as I think of them... this was actually harder than I thought in one sitting!

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