10 December 2007

Just Shoot Me

Dear Amanda,
I just thought I'd post a pleasant reminder in case you EVER decide that experiencing the "joys of pregnancy" sound like "fun" again. It's hard to remember exactly how being pregnant feels once you are a few months out and you've been busy with the new baby... so this time, I'm recording it.
The first few weeks weren't too bad. You sat around, waiting on Mrs. Period to come and thinking to yourself "self, this is going to be one BAD month"... then the flu-like symptoms set it around "your time", and you began contemplating going to the doc for some antibiotics ... or to Publix for a pregnancy test. The migraines were bad for about 4 months.. in case you forgot. The nauseous was never ending, and since it wasn't your first pregnancy.. you gained weight FAST.
I'll fast-forward to the end of the pregnancy, since my fingers are so swollen currently it hurts to type. The contractions are annoying, only some painful. At 36 weeks, it began to become difficult to wipe your own butt... and since you were going EVERY hour (including nights) that is more of a problem than you'd think. Speaking of sleep, this pregnancy you experienced the fun that is Restless Leg Syndrome.... yowza. Your left leg is the worst, the urge to move is unbearable... and the crazy tingling sensations are more than enough to keep you up and uncomfortable.
Let's talk about the heartburn ... the 4 zantac a day... the prilosec... the hospital visit because of the super-sharp pain in your upper abdomen... waking up a 3 thinking your throat was on fire... Yup... let's not go through that again.
I want to mention not being able to get out of bed on your own without pulling something... how bending over ventures towards a monumental event... and how you can't fit into ANYTHING in your closet at 38 weeks except 2 items made of lycra and 1 that's technically a towel.
Your feet started swelling at 35 weeks.... and sometimes your legs go to sleep now... both... at the same time... and won't stop!
But your boobs are huge. As in bigger than a D... eww. Oh, and your face is fat. Sorry... I said it.

So, self, don't be a moron. Be happy with what God has blessed you with and enjoy your beautiful baby boys. Besides, don't you have your hands full anyways?

Lots of Love,


  1. Wow, you sre by far the ONLY person that I know that blogs to themself for a future refrance. You crack me up. I think i read your blog four times and i still laughed the last time. The wiping the butt thing was hilariouse. I am so sorry you are going through so much but if it make it any better the self blog about it made my week. Maybe even my month-oh my gosh~you are a freak. I miss ya girl and just so you know-your face isnt fat its glowing-you look beautiful even though you dont feel like it..you are. The joys of being pregnant are walking around dressed in a towel and not caring what other people think!!

  2. too funny! I remember those days...

    You'll blink and your new baby will be 6 weeks old. Seriously; it goes by two times as fast the second time around. Well..at least once the baby gets here.


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