16 October 2008

Sell This House

You've all seen the shows where some cutesy, 20+ years in the market, overpaid and underworked realtor/design expert comes into a house that's been on the market for 7,000 days and rearranges and paints and hides the pee stains on the carpet, right?

Well, I've always wondered how SOME of those people didn't think to hide their neon bar signs or replace their technicolor carpet BEFORE thinking someone was just going to waltz in and offer their asking price. Seriously. Then, I thought surely these shows were popular enough that when I started my home buying search (my casual start to home buying, might I add) today that aforementioned homes would be few and far between, right?


These are pics from the first 6 houses I clicked on. They are in nice neighborhoods (well, 1 neighborhood) in a very nice area with a stellar elementary school. These are rooms in homes that are between the $200,000 and $270,000 price range. For those not familar with Birmingham (well, the "new" market at least...) that means that these are between 2,100 and 2,700 square foot homes with 3-5 bedrooms and 2-3.5 baths. Fairly new too... with nice backyards... and daisies... and free pedicures every other Thursday (ok, I made that last part up).

Here goes:
[Note: for FULL effect, make the pictures REALLY big...nice.]

1) The tree rooms. I saw TWO of these within the first 6 houses. SERIOUSLY. TWO!! That's a THIRD. It isn't HORRIBLE, but Kirsten Kemp would having most def told these sellers to paint over it. This is the least offensive of the offenders. (ps - I totally get it if the kids like it, and if it's cute... and if your mother-in-law forced it upon you and painted it while you were away getting that free pedi, and when you came home it was there, permanent and the kid's already thought it rocked... but NOW IS THE TIME PEOPLE. NOW IS THE TIME!)

2) Purple room theme going on? What? Do you SEE that shiny purple bed spread?? What's worse is that the shiny bedspread is a theme in ALL OF THE BEDROOMS. Can you BU-LIEVE that these two purple bedrooms are the master bedrooms from two TOTALLY seperate houses? I really hope they are friends.

Do you SEE the bedspread in the other room? The one with the tribal things? And the crazy border? Who puts this stuff up? What is the husband on? Michael would tell me NO and ask me if I'd be drinking. For GOOD REASON.

3) This is the little girl's room from the shiny bedspread house. I feel bad for posting it, seeing as it MIGHT have been her choice in pink... but then again, when Conner asks if he can wear my gold pumps to school, he gets a nasty look, some counseling and a big fat no. That's why I'm the mommy.

4) Ok, I understand you are dark. Bad life? But why put it all over your wall? The curtains too? Ugh. I would love to say I'd paint over it (read: TO A NEUTRAL, TASTEFUL COLOR) and move on if I bought your house but come on, I don't have 3 grand to spend on primer.

Disclaimer: I do feel a little bad about "outing" these real life houses on the internet, but maybe.. just maybe, someone will know the people these houses belong to and offer some help. The kind with a fancy couch and a shrink... the kind of shrink that can paint and has a Target card.

1 comment:

  1. wow, I'll be laughing for awhile! I now appreciate my LACK of decorating so much more!


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