20 December 2008

A Not-So-Cheerful Update

On this day 1 year ago, I sat in a normal hospital bed, experienced normal, painful (although more than frequent) contractions, waiting on Chase’s normal arrival. I couldn’t have been farther from reality.

By 10:55 the next morning, Chase was born and I was relieved that my journey through this pregnancy was over and I had met the baby boy I’d carried for 39 weeks. He was gorgeous. And pink. And crying. And an absolute miracle.

And then, as quickly as the joy set in the rug was ripped from beneath me and I fell.

It was this day, one year ago that I realized my perfect baby was fighting for his life. It was on this day that I was wheeled into an unfamiliar and unexpected NICU to see my newborn baby. It was on this day that I became broken.

It was that night that I learned the true meaning of fighting for your life. The nurse stood over us, muttering words like “intubate” “seized 5 times” “he’s not doing very well”. It was this night I was convinced my baby would soon die.

It was the next morning that I would leave the hospital, in tears, in pain, in mourning and drive 2 hours to Children’s Hospital to see my baby that I’d yet to even hold. Or touch. Or even talk to, warned that stimulation could induce seizures. It was the day I left the maternity ward babyless with nothing more than a cap and the most indescribable feeling of loss.

With that said, I am thankful for what God has graced us with and for Chase’s progress thus far.

But unfortunately, that’s not the end of this story.

It’s strange that I’ve struggled to come up with the words to tell you guys, my loyal readers and beloved family and friends, something that throws a wrench into Chase’s progress.

He’s not ok.

Over the past 6 months (at least), Michael and I have been in denial. Chase frequently turns blue around the mouth and nose. It’s not during times of stress, or him being cold or crying. As a matter of fact, he does it 2-5 times a day when he’s happy as a clam. It took us this long to admit that our Miracle Baby was not in the clear and far from ok.

After speaking with his Neurologist, Chase has been referred to a Pediatric Cardiologist specialist at Children’s. We’ve been told that it’s emergent and we need imaging within the next week or two. We will do our initial imaging in Montgomery and then our heart specialist in Birmingham will take over from there. They have several hypotheses, and to be completely open and honest here, none of them are especially optimistic.

So here we go again. I wanted you all to know we appreciate your prayers and thoughts. It is the most frightening thing to know we are going through this again, and that this whole thing could be tied together and more than just a fluke accident. To “know” that something is wrong with my baby is more than I can handle

We love you all and will, of course, keep you up-to-date. I think I might even post some birthday pictures on Monday, you know… if you’ve been good boys and girls.

4 comments:

  1. We will be praying for you guys. If theres ever a time that you need anything while in the ham' just let me know. If it's a milo's or just someone to hangout and be with you for support-lemme know. I'm there. I know there's nothing I can say that will calm the mommy instinct within you to freak out, but if there's anything you need anytime of the night, it just so happens I sleep with a cellphone- 205-533-2517.Call me anytime.Here's a cyberhug \0/

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  2. I am so sorry. I can't imagine what your family is going through. We'll be praying for you. Please update often (when you have free time -haha.) Love and prayers- Bonnie

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  3. My heart is aching.

    I love you guys to pieces, and hate that you're having to go through all of this. I can't imagine. I just can't imagine. And you've caused me to be speechless. Speechless.

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  4. Thanks guys. You'll never know how much your support means to us. Love you all! I think I'll post bday pics tonight to lighten the mood :)

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