17 December 2008

Perks of the Mom Job: The Counterpoints

Staci is apparently unhappy with my Perks of the Mom Job post, or at least she thinks I’m partially delusional. Whereas that is might be true, I do have a few complaints about SAHMommyhood aka The Job That Never Ends.

Here are a few counterpoints:
Uniform
If I had a Big Persons Job I’d be better equipped and motivated to keep up with fashion. Which would be awesome and I’d totally look just like Lauren Conrad (hurmph) or Blake Lively from Gossip Girl. But, alas, I’m just a frumpy momma with a closet full of Victoria’s Secret PINK collection sweats and soffe shorts. When I do get “dressed up” I’m choosing between a mix-match of about 3 outfits. Sigh.
And have I failed to mention the copious amount of pregnancy/post-pregnancy/nursing ensembles that invaded my closet 4 years ago and have yet to relent? I see no sign of retreat.
But the Verdict? The Uniform is still a perk of The Mom Job (I heart sweats!)

Hours
Oh Geez. Does any OTHER job require you to be “on call” 24/7, 365 for 18+ years including ALL holidays, weekends, and no-nap-benders? Didn’t THINK so.
You learn to bypass “deep sleep” in case you must handle the more than frequent “I need go pee-pee!” or “duh monsters, and duh ew-bites and duh ROBOTS and duh bubbled-beeez are scaring me!” or SOMEONE needing a bottle at 4 AM (Chase! Seriously dude, let’s eat breakfast after the sun rises, k?)
NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN MY BED WITH MY HUSBAND WITHOUT A CHILD PRESENT SINCE EARLY JUNE OF 2005!
I currently sleep with Mr. Chase in another room b/c he nurses 3-4 times most nights (see: ecological nursing). Conner sleeps with Mike as he refuses to sleep alone and we’ve tried EVERY SINGLE METHOD SO SPARE ME THE CRITICISM PEOPLE! That’s what grandmothers are for. Ugh.
(also see: attachment parenting)
Verdict: A big fat NEGATIVE on the hours.

Nap
Can’t really complain with the exception of the following:
1) When 1 or both children won’t nap and turn into blood sucking monsters are cranky.
2) When 1 sleeps and the other is a pain in the arse only for the non-asleep child to want to sleep when the previously sleeping child to begins to wake resulting in a CRY-A-PALOOZA. Wah.
3) When the nap schedule interferes with doctors appointments, visits and errands AND
3b) When certain relatives DON’T FREAKING UNDERSTAND that The Nap Schedule is a Sacred and Precious occurrence that need not be messed with and how IMPORTANT and CRUCIAL it is to adhere to it no matter how damn special THEY THINK THEY ARE.
Whoa. Rant… oops.
Verdict: A positive with those few exceptions. What other job let’s you nap?

Lunch
I mostly stick to my previous statement with one exception: having to feed little mouths before even thinking of touching my own (now cold) food.
Verdict: Positive

Honorable Mentions
This section is devoted to crap only SAHM’s deal with day-in and day-out with the rarest of complain, blog post (giggle), mental breakdown or bottle glass of wine:
- Constant Laundry (I suppose all moms do this but, geez… THE LAUNDRY)
- Never ending dishes
- Having to pack up ½ the contents of my home just to run to the dentist
- Oh yeah, not being about to actually GO to the dentist or doctor or OB/GYN or gym or salon WITHOUT company ALL BY MY LONESOME!
- The “labeling” associated with not having a “REAL JOB” (those people are invited to a Special Event @ my home next weekend @ 2 p.m. called “Let Amanda Kick You in The Wanker”. Light refreshments will be served.)
- The Whining
- The Timeouts
- Watching hours of ueber repetitive cartoons
- The Poop
- The typos in this entry because I've been trying to type it up for two days but The hubster went out of town for work and the kids won't get off me for 3 seconds!

THE END.

P.S. – You’re welcome Staci

4 comments:

  1. :)

    I DID enjoy that!

    ... especially the part about relatives thinking they're more important than a nap schedule ... ooooooooo ... talk about hitting a button with me! (When Lennon was born and my parents came, they decided it wasn't healthy for Savannah to sleep 13 hours straight, so they started waking her up at 5 am to make her go to the bathroom - and then didn't understand why she didn't want to go back to bed)

    UGH !

    But, yes, I enjoyed THIS blog so much more :)

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  2. Consider it a Cmas present... and thanks for the suggestion!

    Dude, parentals DON'T F'IN GET IT! What is it about a schedule they don't understand? Yes, yes... give the kids candy and run in circles and blah blah blah... but STICK TO THE RULES THAT ACTUALLY BENEFIT THE CHILDREN! And waking them early? WTHell? Ugh...

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  3. Amen sister! to ALL of the above!

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  4. Love it! I especially loved the "real job" party - my dad would be the first one I invited to that one!

    Naps are not an issue here because my second son just never really caught on to that one! WHen he was born, he slept 20 minutes max several times a day BUT he would only awaken once at night and then only to eat and immediately sleep. He eventually got to one nap in the afternoon that lasted (still) 2 hours or so. This kid will sleep anywhere though, so I can just load him up and go as long as I have a stroller (I mean, who wants to HOLD a 40 pound, 39 inch toddler and shop?).

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