27 January 2009

Product Review Pending for Toy Opening Angst Relief

In the December issue of Cookie Magazine, I noticed a plug/ad for what they refer to as a “Christmas Miracle”.

We (the parentals) have all found ourselves mere seconds from the Valium spiked Martini’s come time to unwrap and assemble the “Santa” loot or Birthday Yacht/Mansion/Schwartz on Crack Extravaganza sensible gifts when we find ourselves in some twisted 7th circle of Hell torture mechanism that is better known as The Box The Toy Comes In.

We’ve probably all had the conversation with friends and family while breaking our nails, knives and jaws-of-life getting into these things about how AB-SO-LUTELY ABSURD it is that it requires the strength of a mountain lion-grizzly bear hybrid to open a mother lovin’ choo-choo.

This “Christmas Miracle” is called OPENIT! and can be purchased at enjoyzibra.com for $13 bucks. It includes a miniature jaws-of-life wire cutter apparatus at the top, scissor blades, a thin blade for CDs and DVDs, as well as a SCREWDRIVER BUILT IN for the bolted down toy and battery compartment that you probably don't have batteries for anyways (we buy ours at SAM’S Club)… this tool seems to be a one-stop-shop to prevent mommie from boozing it up on baby’s birthday. Good call.
And I might add that’s it’s a small price with a big reward. Vodka is EXPENSIVE people.

Plus, the potential onset of Def Con 5 Mode Toddler Meltdown and sanity of your child is spared since their generation expects everything in seconds. Ugh. I’m questioning if all 5 years and under children are secret ADD-esque droid bots waiting to take us all over with their microchips in our brains that they intend on taking control from some Super Computer Com Central located at a Kindergarten near you (when the times comes, naturally). Can’t wait…

I personally haven’t tried out this genius invention, but if those nice PR people over at enjoyzibra.com want to send one or two for an Official Review, I wouldn’t complain. I’d be happy to review it AND give one away to my fellow mommies that, like me, are ready to start burning toy boxes instead of trying to kill ourselves in these mousetrap packages.

No pressure...

**Update: Zibra.com will be supplying a sample for review in April. Stay tuned!


  1. for serious? that sounds awesome! one, just ONE of my son's Christmas presents took my husband 45 minutes to un-twisty tie, unscrew and un-zip tie this year.

  2. Ok, you think you've found something that will keep me from drinking on my kids' birthdays?!


    I'm not saying it's not a good product...

    Just that I seriously seriously doubt that it would keep me from drinking. Actually, it sounds like it might free up some more time FOR drinking.

    I'm just sayin.

  3. i have heard about this little gadget and supposedly its great... except for the fact that it comes in one of those impossible to open plastic packages. its a little ironic, don't you think?

  4. Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
    Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!


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