27 March 2009

Where To Keep All Things Important

One child ago, I learned the hard way that if you can't feel your cell phone, it's most likely in the toilet.

Since the days of ole, when Conner went through roughly 5 cell phones in 18 months, I've adopted several techniques for keeping cell phones dry and toilet-free.

However, none have really caught on. I started keeping it in ONE place, but that defeats the purpose of a cell phone's mobility. Not to mention the fact that I missed SOOO many phone calls.

Then, I realized I could keep it on my person. And so, I started putting it in my pocket... only I realized very quickly that 90% of my sweat pants don't have pockets and I'll be darned if I sacrifice one of The Perks of The Mom Job by wearing JEANS all day. Plus, I did have about 16 months sandwiched in their in which I was either With Child, or With Weight From Said Child. So jeans weren't options and sweat pants were practically required.

(plus, we've all experienced "Cell Phone Was in Back Pocket of Jeans, Now In Toilet", right? right.)

For both boys, I nursed. With both nursings, I used a nipple shield, which should be handed out in maternity wards like condoms in a middle school or glow sticks at a rave. I could write an entire post on how nipple shields are The Saving Grace. 

Six weeks into nursing Conner, I realized one major problem with using a device like the nipple shield: where the crap am I going to keep this thing?

I adopted the mantra of "closest is best..." and started keeping it in my nursing bra or tank top. I mean, that's where I keep my boobies, so... it seemed only natural. Since then, I've recommended this to COUNTLESS people who start to shake when I begin digging into my cleavage to show them... oh how I laugh on the inside when people become momentarily uncomfortable (I'm not just going to yank out a tit here, SWEAR!)


Then, sometime over the last 2 weeks I began merging the two ideas: need a place to keep iphone as my warranty is up and they've already replaced my phone THREE times... AND... I always keep my boobies with me... SO....

Michael and I were sitting at breakfast the other morning. He did a double take after glancing at me to finish a sentence. He barked out a laugh that would have contained milk and Frosted Flakes if better timed.

iPhone Boobie.

It's all the rage.

200th post was yesterday! 


  1. You never cease to amaze me! :o) haha

    I am pretty sure I did this with past cell-phones & cigarettes while bar-hopping....pre-baby! That doesnt mean I won't do it (cell-phone only!) in the future...:) Thanks for bringing this one back!

  2. That is SO funny! Have you gone out in public looking like that?

  3. Erin - Um. "No". Except yes. And it's a total accident only for me to realize it's there ONCE IT RINGS - which is only awkward when I go to retrieve it.. or my boobies are ringing... or lighting up...

  4. you are a retard. and I say this with love. maybe I just have not reached that point myself...

  5. BRILLIANT!! Call Victoria right now and get that shit patented. Also light up ringing boobies are going to be all over the Milan runways for Spring 2010.

    PS my word verify thingy is aviderte. I know right!!!!

  6. Donya - When I pronounced "aviderte" out loud, I had a good chuckle. So chic...
    And you should see my boobies light up like Christmas with every call/email/text.
    Not to mention - I appreciate texts and emails more with vibrate on... just sayin'

    HA. JOKE.

  7. Again I say ...

    ... own up.

  8. This is hilarious!

    Hey random question. I remember you blogging about how you do your husband's taxes... my husband is a small business owner and I was wondering what program you use to do your husband's taxes? Got any tips? He currently has his own accountant but they cost a fortune!

  9. Alright. I'll own it - I enjoy my iphone in my bra... but only a little ;-)

  10. You are toooo funny!! I love the IPhone Boobies!!
    I miss tons of calls because my phone is in my purse...I need to start this!!

  11. haha! i need to do this! i cant not tell you how many times i have noticed that ethan has called random people in my phone. actually, one time he called 666-6666, i SWEAR! I was like, ethan, baby, are you calling your true home?

  12. 1) I will attest that Ethan often seems like a child of Satan. However, he is also the cutest thing I've ever seen.

    2) I'm pretty sure I'd have to get some Mommy-boobs to pull this one off.


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