30 April 2009

No Girls Allowed and Letting Go

Having 2 young boys, you get a fair share of "so, are you going to go for a girl?" to which I sharply reply "no, no, no... I wanted boys," and I mean it with every inch of my soul.

My grandmother had 2 sisters, my mom was 1 of 2 girls, and I was 1 of 2 girls as well. When I was pregnant with Chase, and we called my grandmother to tell her the sex, she replied "Oh, well, you'll just have to try again for our girl!"

Which, for the record, made my skin crawl.

And very, very few people "get" that I didn't want a girl. Nothing against them, obviously I am one, but I just don't do pink frufru and ponytails.

I was the little girl with matching everything (EVERYTHING) and whereas that worked for my mom and her personality, I am not wired that way - I don't believe I'd be able to play matchy-matchy this and that just to leave the house. The Ponytail Wars, the Ballet Recitals, the Sassy remarks....

I joke that the boys can tag along to the store in mismatched shorts and shirts, with dirt under their nails and suckers stuck in their hair, and people giggle because "boys will be boys", but if I were to have a little girl in the same conditions, DHR would be on my doorstep within hours.

Sadly... true.

After Chase's birth, it seems that both sides of the family dropped the "what about the third". Chase put us all through the wringer. Which, makes me uneasy... what happened to Chase was a freak accident. Odds are in the hundreds of millions... it's not that we have "bad genes" or that Chase was a "bad egg"... Chase is my calm, easy-going, plays-by-himself kid. He's actually less fuss than Conner (it could be the age though...). It breaks my heart a little to think we were "thrown out of the baby-making pool" because of what happened with Chase's birth. Does that make any sense?

I have this growing pile of clothes, baby clothes, in Chase's nursery. It started out as just one plastic tub, and now the pile stands NO LIE 4-feet high. On the bottom are newborn clothes, then 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6-9 months... the top foot is sadly now 12 months and even some 18 month shirts that won't fit....

Technically, I am supposed to go through these clothes and stack them into "Giveaway", "Keep" and "Sell" piles... "keep" being for a quilt I want made of the more memorable boys' clothes - like the yellow duckie onesie both the boys wore, the shirt that always made Conner's eyes the most beautiful shade of blue, Chase's "accidental" take home outfit with ponies and cowboy tassles on the booties...

Problem: I just can't do it. I can NOT mentally and physically go through this MOUNTAIN of baby clothes. It means no more babies. No more first smiles, first crawls, first steps... you get it.

No. I don't want another baby, at least I don't think I want another baby. I make the joke with Michael that I might be up for it if he could guarantee me another boy, but we both laugh knowing that God would laugh at US and give us a girl. Because He knows I could handle it, and God's funny like that.

I need inspiration to let go of the baby things. Or I need a miracle to bonk me on the head and say "you could have one more baby". I'm beginning to think neither are going to happen.

(Inspired by this article, which explains even further why I just can not have a girl) (she also blogs over at the Mother Load)

13 comments:

  1. I am terrified of having a boy (I was a girly-girl, only child and have no real experience w/ boys) but I really want one. That being said, I am so glad I had my daughter first. I know my "sister" says her boys are easier and her oldest was the first baby I truly loved with all my heart (how I knew I could be a mother).
    But I can understand why you are happy with your boys.
    And, I think I am just NOW starting to think about having another one as a legitimate possibility. There is no way that before this I was ready. Give it time. You're in no hurry.

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  2. ...and you really do seem like a mother of boys! haha I couldnt see you with a little girl running around! :) hehe BUT HOW PRECIOUS SHE WOULD BE! Sometimes I wonder what my little boy, if I had one down the road, would look like..hehe I cant wait to find out.

    This post made me tear-up a little! All you can do, Amanda is trust and follow God. If you end up preggo again and it just so happens to be a little girl, you will kNOW thats what God wants. Good luck with whatever you chose/happens.

    I would definitely wait on that pile of clothes until you KNOW your family is complete. *just in case* ;) Love ya girl!

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  3. @ Mrs. Moose - I know, no hurry... but my kids are close in age for a reason... So, it's one of those "now (soon...) or never" things...

    @ Rachel - I find it SOOO funny that we only speak via internet/email, have "met" once and yet you TOTALLY HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. I AM a "boy momma", every friend I have acknowledges and confirms that. I'm just "that" type of person. I'm so glad we keep up with each other. It's really a "special" connection (ok, now I just sound gay...).

    And you are SO right, if it's God's will....

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  4. HAHA! I do find it comical as well! (we need to work on this, I believe! haha) & you totally just cracked me up...but I TOTALLY agree with you :o) haha

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  5. Great blog post, btw. I don't even have kids, & I totally get your apprehension to sort through All Things Baby. It sucks feeling like you're being forced to make a decision you're just not ready to make.

    - Lydia

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  6. I was the same way - I wanted boys, not girls or the girly stuff that went along with. And when I got pregnant the first time and found out we were having a boy, I was elated. But then the second came along, and as much as I hoped it would be another boy, it wasn't. HOWEVER, now that I have my rough 'n tumble boy and my sweet little girl, I have to say....that I am loving having one of each! I think that IF you have another child and IF it turns out to be a girl.....you'll adjust just fine! I say let God do his work and just go with the flow - He never makes a mistake!

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  7. I felt the same way! I told everyone with ear's I only wanted boys. I said I only do baseball, football, cars etc . Girls are soooo dramatic! Everything is a big deal, tons of tears, every boy she dates will be "the one". I just didn't want to deal with that girly junk. I actually cried when the sono tech told me I was expecting a girl. I had never even walked through the little girls section of clothes at stores b/c I was so set on boys.

    But NOW, I am in love with my little Lily. She is so precious I want to eat her up. I can't wait to do all the fun stuff dance classes, proms, and one day her wedding!!

    Moral of the story ;)

    Should God bless you with another wee one and its a girl you too will (probably) fall in love with all things GIRL.


    sheesh! That was long sorry I got carried away.

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  8. Chasity ;)30 April, 2009

    Being the mom with both, I must say boys are 100 times easier as infants but extremely difficult as toddlers. Girls are more oppinionated babies and easy toddlers with wanting to help out and copy you cleaning. Girls and boys go through stages of being easy and difficult. Either one has it's perks.
    *Girls:dresses(a 1 piece outfit), cute swimsuits, ponytails are easy, more likely to potty train faster.
    *Boys:t-shirts CAN be dressy, bedhead IS a hirstyle, booboo's are cool, kool-aid mustache is cute.
    I'm glad I had one of each.I think a girl would be fun. A little Amanda walking around with a designer purse and sunglasses would be priceless. Mini Manda!!!

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  9. I, too, am meant to be the mother of (only) boys!

    Here's the best way to "test" God's sense of humor: get rid of all of the clothes and baby stuff. It worked for us after over six years of NOTHING! (My boys are 10 and 2.) Just sayin'...

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  10. Look if I am gonna have to "try for an heir" then you have to "try for a mini-you". That's all there is to it. So get after it. J/K

    It's funny that you say you are a boys Momma cuz I think I am a girls Momma. I knew in the depths of my soul the minute those two little lines popped up that I was having a girl. I never even looked at boy stuff or boy names. And Adlay is that little girl who looks like a pristine, matching, hair done, little China doll. I can leave the house in a total mess but I'll be damned if she isn't dressed and accessorized to the hilt.

    Having said that I do want a boy. I think it would be good for me, kind of a good exercise in letting go of control cuz boys don't care so much about the matchy matchy. Plus even though Michael is completely enamored with his little princess I know he wants a boy yo carry on the Rumore name. So I guess what I am saying is that if you were to get preggers again, or should I say when :-), it won't matter if it's a girl or boy because you are a great Mom. Period. So your little girl will be just as loved and cared for as your boys, and really that is all that matters.

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  11. I know I'd LOVE a baby girl if I ever "fell pregnant" with one, but it's ok to HOPE it wouldn't be a girl, right?

    I sure hope so....

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  12. After my son was born I said no more babies. Of course now that I'm remarried to someone who doesn't have any kids and my baby is quickly aproaching 4 so all my baby stuff is gone the talk of another baby is something we talk about daily. Its not if but when. So what if you get rid of all your baby clothes then down the road you decide you want another one you would be overwhelmed with people who have clothes to pass down and think of all the fun you would have shopping. =)

    I dearly love Alyssa, she is my pride and joy but oh my if I have another girl I may cry for nine months. She says she is only pretty with dresses and skirts on. We spend more time fixing her hair every morning than I do my own. The kid doesn't own one pair of tennis shoes. All she wants to do is play dress up and she is all about a beauty pageant. She is the complete opposite of me but its still a ton of fun. If you had a girl you would find lots of joy in having her just as you do two boys. Of course I keep saying boy, boy, boy myself and watch out this time next year I'll be pregnant with a girl. LOL

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  13. I'm a big supporter of "have another, have another!" but I can see where you're coming from. I have two girls, and I'm a bit scared to think that there may be more in the future. Not that I don't love and adore these girls, but there is definitely some drama involved. That said, I'm also scared of having boys because boys are just so CRAZY! I'm a quiet, cuddly, reading kinda girl, so I've always pictured myself with quiet calm girls. Hmmm...I sound fearful in general...which, to quote Dr. Bailey in the grey's anatomy finale last night "If you're not scared, you're not paying attention!" So I must be really smart or something.

    Which brings me to my point. If you do end up having a daughter, it's not the end of the line for rough and tumble, carefree dressing, and all things boy. Your girl could end up being a tomboy who wants to do everything her brothers do. She will develop her own personality which may have nothing to do with your notions of frilly, pink, cotton candy girls.

    I say this because I see things in my daughters that I never expected. And no matter how many kids you have, their characters are so individual, and will only add to your already fun family.

    Good luck with your decision!

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