02 April 2009

Taking Out The Trash

 When I married Michael, somewhere in our vows he must have sneaked in a small part about how I would solemnly swear to clear away a dusty corner of my brain and begin to store shelves and shelves of knowledge about the Stock Markets, Financial Terminology and all things related. Did he know I'm allergic to Math?

 But, a vow is a vow and somehow, really I guess it's how much I love him and care about what he cares about, but SOMEHOW I've retained a CRAP TON of said knowledge.

 Like, a lot.

 For instance, I know what a toxic asset is (even before that word was plastered below every other headline about failing financial institutions who back crappy mortgages). By definition (thank you Google), it's a term for assets (or "stuff") that has exposed the holder to large losses.

 In our house, our mortgage has become a toxic asset. Our home isn't worth what it once was, we bought at the peak, our Adjustable Rate Mortgage is flying high with the birds and all that jazz. But, I've told you about this before.... and ... I'm happy to report that we are working with our financier to re-do our mortgage (it might not necessarily be a refinance, so I'm using "re-do" for now... work with me people).
 Yes, this toxic asset has prevented us from financial freedoms we would have otherwise had. Moreover, it's held us from moving back home to be with our families. But, God has a plan and for now, we are happy.


Financial woes aren't my point here. (see that, I have NO transitional, so I came right out with it... the journalist in me just died a little... but it's ok... she's been dead for years...)

What about those in our lives that are or become "toxic assets".

Recently, I've had to purge my life of one person that has been absolutely nothing but a toxin. This person causes hell and havoc at every twist and turn, taking down everyone within arms reach with little to no remorse for their actions. Piles of use, abuse and neglect for anyone who cares to attempt to help for this person.... sadly, an all-around parasite.

I know that is harsh, but reality is what it is.

So, what if ... the toxins are in your blood? As in, the person who is toxic to you, the bad in your life, is related to you? It makes it more difficult to get away (blood is thicker than water...). In this case, it bought nothing but time - more time for this person to do more damage.

In other times of my life, depending on the stage, my reaction would have been different. At one point, I would have held on tight - told myself that I deserved no better. That person is gone, and I hope to never, ever, ever run into that "me" again. 

But you grow. You learn. You move on from what hurts. At this point in my life, I know that letting go of what's pulling myself and those around me down will only make us stronger.

What time has done for me is miraculous. What distance has done is just as amazing.

Moving away from my family and friends is so incredibly difficult, but in that I learned a valuable lesson about "Golden Friends".
make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold...
Those friends, the ones that mean the most, are there through everything, no matter the distance and share something so special that nothing can break it. My friends - my circle - are my backbone.

No measure of space, time and distance can separate those that are priceless, but no amount of blood can justify a toxic relationship. So to this person, goodbye. I'm glad to be rid of you.

(and since I can't be serious for too long, I would like a show of hands for how many of you, at any point in this post, started singing, humming or thinking about Britney's Toxic... that includes NOW as well... teehee)


  1. *raises hand!* This was a good one! :o) and I completely feel ya on this topic!! My toxic assets were not in my fam. but defintely a few friends! It's amazing how fast your "friends" flee when something tragic and completely life-changing happens in your life. hmm..oh well! My friends I have now are THE BEST EVER and I am so tahnkful for them. Thanks 'manda! :o)

  2. Fortunately, I don't even know how that song goes.

  3. @Rachel - It really is amazing how hard times, like having a sick child, makes crappy friends run and good friends closer. We were really taken aback by the reaction of those who we thought we friends, but then shunned us, completely ignored the fact that we were crushed and our baby was fighting for his life. BUT, it weeded them out. I totally feel ya!

    @Sara R. - Ge'ez kid... what's wrong with you? Or wait... what's wrong with me for knowing the words. Oh yes, I remember... I worked at Skate Station.

  4. Girl I am with you! Check the drama when you are a mama... lol
    It is amazing how many people do not realize this and keep such crap in their lives, only to make it harder on themselves. Kudos to you for booting said person!


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