06 May 2009

Boys Will Be Monsters...

I was watching them, swear, but I am only one person.

During Pre-school time yesterday, Chase managed to empty an entire bottle of unopened green apple scented detangling shampoo (a gift, I don't really have a need for it, boys = short hair). I was on the potty, and knew that Chase was playing in the only un-secured bathroom cabinet. Every container in said cabinet is baby & bath related: baby powder, bath bubbles (unopened), a few combs, some duckies, baby lotion (unopened) and one container of plastic sealed tear-free baby wash. 

SOMEHOW - while I was, um, unavailable, Chase managed to unscrew the top and then somehow picked off the aluminum seal on said shampoo.

By the time I was finished, which really wasn't long (and he was 8 feet from me, but blocked from my site by the potty room door), he managed to empty the whole thing and began "drawing" on the floor with it, all over the door leading to the closet and on the cabinets. I cleaned up the mess, and was thankful he didn't get it in his eyes or mouth. 

Flash forward: Lunch time. Conner is home and playing with his rocket ships in the master bedroom and bathroom. I was making lunch when I went to check on him and was met mid-living room by the smell of my favorite Febreeze Air Effects Spray, Baked Sugar Cookies (a seasonal Christmas scent). Normally, this makes my mouth water, but by the time I was in the master bedroom, I was holding back vomit.

He managed to empty an entire can of this stuff in a relatively small space. He tells me he was using it to "blast off", but I still can not comprehend how he was even able to stay in the bathroom. The air was thick with baked cookies and the whole house soon smelled like Santa Died.

It took all day to get rid of the smell and a half can of scrubbing bubbles to get the residue off the bathroom floor.

Get worse? Nah.

Last night, Michael worked late teaching one of his classes so, he wasn't here. I was making dinner when Conner comes to me showing off his freshly washed hands. Note: Conner NEVER washes his hands without scolding. So, the mommy instinct kicked in.

"What was on your hands that you washed off?" I interrogated.
"The purple stuff," he replies.

Hum. Purple stuff. I know of nothing purple... I get to the bathroom and there on the counter top is my $40 Clinique Moisture Surge Moisturizer (the only beauty product I really splurge on as it lasts me almost a whole year and WORKS to both moisturize and not feel heavy - NEVER breaks me out). It's open, and 1/4 of it is missing. I about DIED.

I take him to his room, and talk to him about "asking before you play with something that is not yours" and other similar lessons. He says "I'm so reawwy sowwy" about 15 times and I leave him to marinade on his wrong doings (I hope he did...)

Whilest I was time-outting that child, wanna know what the other did?

Well, sitting quietly in prayer is not the answer. 

He was in the Bathroom of Massacres emptying out ANOTHER BOTTLE OF BABY SOAP THAT HE SOMEHOW OBTAINED OFF THE SHELF ABOVE THE TUB. And this time, he had more skill in the matter and an obvious attack plan. He had it on the shower, IN THE SHOWER, all over the tub, the walls, the cabinets (AGAIN!) and obviously the floor.

I cleaned everything, again.

Once finished, I plopped down on the bed with a sigh as I chatted with Staci about all the mess and the hours of cleaning (and how bad my house smelled, gag). As soon as I finished the story, Conner comes in to tell me something.

"Momma, I spilled my chocolate milk on the floor with my feet".............

All-in-all, I think the days damages amount to something in the 30 to 40 dollar range, at least 10 last nerves, all of my marbles and a dollop of my sanity. Like my mom said yesterday "...and you want another one?". Woman has a point.


  1. Look at it this way - at least your bathroom is REAWWY clean, right? For now?

  2. BAHAHAHA! I am sorry...but this was HILARIOUS.:) You definitely need to write this down in a baby journal to share with your boys when they are 20-ish and getting married! :O) So funny!

  3. @ Kate - boy, is it....

    @ Rachel - I have zero intentions of taking this blog down. Every embarassing/hilarious/outright WRONG post will be here for them, their classmates and future wives to read.... It's kinda like payback and a memory book all rolled into one.

  4. Thats amazing! :o) You might want to back this blog up somehow..you never know, in 20 years technology could be CRAZY-er....HAHA!

  5. I really needed that laugh right now!

    I use the same Clinique stuff and there would have been bloodshed at my house! I admire your restraint.

  6. My favorite part was when you said my name ...

    Cause most of my days are about the same...

    You know ...

    Love ya

  7. HAHAHA!! That sounds SOO familiar. ethan spills approx. 2.5 drinks A DAY!! He has also done the whole " lets play with mommy's $20 clinique blush and ruined all but a tiny smidgen of it. He was pink for 2 days. ::sigh:: The wonderousness of motherhood.

  8. I have NO IDEA HOW I DID NOT SHIP HIM TO CHINA. Seriously. It's got to be that whole "he's my kid thing" because my sister poured my face wash into a hand soap dispenser (with hand soap IN the it already) back in high school and I. WENT. POSTAL.

    I'm very very VERY picky about my skin stuff. I can't stop thinking about what kind of 3-year-old boy related germs are now in my expensive face cream. UGHHHHH!


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