11 May 2009

Revenge Tastes of Strawberry Yogurt

I had a nice post for today, all about mommy hood, parenting and all that jazz. 

BUT, I spent the latter half of my mother's day violating Dora, and honestly, it's way better than some thought provoking blog on The Mom Job.

Instead, I present to you, The Mom Job: Vindicated Edition.

-------------------
Chase woke early Sunday morning in a generally irritable state. He wouldn't sit still for long, acting a bit cranky, and I wrote it off as him finally getting his lower two teeth (the ones on the side, he has 4 top, 2 bottom middle at 17 months).

Michael's family came for late lunch to visit, and his mother carried Chase around outside in the balmy 90-degree weather for a spontaneous water gun fight. When Chase came in around 1:30, after a short jog around with a wet, hot diaper half-filled with sand particles and poo, in an exceptionally irritable mood, I didn't blame him. I changed him and noted that his "area" looked equally as irritated and threw some diaper rash ointment on the matter and whisked him off to Nap Land.

*I use this stuff for the bad diaper rash, it works fastest and contains oat essence and willow herb along with zinc-oxide: 
He fell asleep almost instantly after spreading his tiny legs as wide as they'd go in a frog-like poition

"Poor kid..." I thought.

He woke, even more angry, several hours later. I changed his diaper only to discover that his "diaper rash" was not diaper rash at all, it had spread down his thighs, up his crack and his Family Jewels were now swollen 2-3 times more than normal. I'd seen this before in Conner - yeast infection.

(Quick Mommy Note: Yes, boys get yeast infections. Actually, one of the few "down sides" to breastfeeding is that your baby is receiving constant antibodies, which kills both the "good stuff" and the "bad stuff". Thus, yeast infection)

I called the FIL (Dr. he is), requested an Rx for Nystatin to be called into our 24-hour pharmacy, called said pharmacy who in turn informed me that it would be between 1-2 hours. Wonderful.

In the mean time, Chase cranked up the cranky, and couldn't walk. He would stop and squat and cry. I took his disposable diaper off  and put on a cloth one, as I know they are more breathable (I stopped short of letting him roam free, he IS a boy... and boys and their toys is a different blog post all together).

It was when he started just sitting and crying that I googled "home remedy for yeast infection in toddler". Numerous results came back with anti-fungal cream this and special mineral oil that, none of which I had. But one result kept popping up that I did have, but I chuckled off at first: "apply probiotic yogurt directly to affected area" it said....

I kept searching, laughing with Michael about how we only had Dora the Explorer Yoplait Strawberry flavored yogurt, and that I didn't think that was how Nickelodeon had intended Dora be treated.

But, then there was Chase - crying, swollen and clearly in need of instant relief. We fetched the little Spanish speaking fat-faced girl and her monkey with shoes side-kick from the fridge. I turned to ask "Do you think he'll want Strawberry or Cherry?". Michael shrugged that it didn't matter, "he's not eating it". Ah, good point.

We undressed Chase and placed him in the tub. I peeled off the top of the yogurt and Michael and I looked at one another and laughed nervously, again. 

I'll spare you who won the honor of becoming the Applicator, but there stood my darling 17-month old baby boy, Family Jewels deep in Dora and Boots.

I stopped. Suddenly, all these years of "Da da Dora, dadada Dora, DORA THE EXPLORER!" and "I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm THE MAPPPPP" came crashing into my cerebellum. For so long, I'd wanted to take that little fat-faced girl, monkey and cousin Diego to Customs and kick their hind quarters back to whichever Spanish-speaking country they'd come from. Oh how they annoyed me so.

And now? Now I'm spreading you allllllll ova my son's testicles and smiling because THIS is what sweet revenge tastes like - strawberry flavored yogurt.

----------------

Chase spent the next hour slathered in Dora's fruits and his berries became notably less irritated. He took a luke warm bath and sat naked with Michael and Conner for the next hour as I retrieved the prescription.

This morning, he is still swollen and irritable, but getting better. 

And I, on the other hand, am feeling vindicated and a quite confident I'll never eat yogurt again.

10 comments:

  1. Wow. I'll never look at Dora the same way again.

    I'm sure glad he is feeling better though!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, the sweet smell of revenge. I, too, think Dora had it coming.

    However. I'm really hating that I read this story after eating yogurt. (Dannon Light & Fit peach flavored, though.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. That is too funny. I love it. Caro hasn't yet started watching Dora very much, but she kind of annoys me too. Too cheery.

    She gets bad diaper rashes, too - especially when she gets a loose stool. I use gobs of Target brand creamy diaper creme and we alternate w/ generic monistat and generic benedryl cream (apparently I'm queen of the generic stuff. Huh.)

    Glad he's feeling better. Nice to have the Dr. in the family. We have a pediatrician cousin, but in another state, so it's easier just to drag her to the Dr.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tell me, why do I make spelling corrections that appear correct on my actual blog, but incorrect in google reader? WHY?

    Anyways, yes. Yogurt, kid's area, all in all, GREAT mommy's day...

    ReplyDelete
  5. HAHA!! This made me laugh out loud, my husband thought i was nuts. but yeah great blog. we always have that yogurt here, its ethan fav.

    ReplyDelete
  6. THIS IS, BY FAR, THE MSOT FUNNY THING I HAVE EVER READ! :) You should TOTALLY write a book!
    Im afraid this has left me with unpleasant thoughts about yogurt.....and Dora!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for pointing that out about the comments on my blog. I messed with the setting yesterday, but it should be fixed now. Ok, about your post today. Hilarious I laughed out loud! I understand having a score to settle with dora, but what about yoplait? I have nothing against them, and they got drugg into this with dora!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Talk about creating a memory...

    To one day be shared with a future spouse!!

    Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ha.. "a memory".. I hope that's what my brain files this under.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My Mom has told me several times to use yogart on the kids when they had yeast. I've never actually tried it but nice to know it really does work. The things we learn as a mom.

    ReplyDelete

Comments! I LOVE Comments!

I Blog For...

BirminghamMommy