17 May 2009

To My Many Male Readers....

Dear Husbands, Boyfriends, and Potential Husbands and Boyfriends,

   For the majority of women over the age of 10 (and many times younger), we ladies have a few days in a row in which we experience the shedding of our uterine lining and usually an unfertilized egg. I'm positive that most of you know about this "time of the month", during which we become monsters full of hormonal rage. 
   
 What I'm hear to tell you is very important, so turn off the television and unplug your ipod - use those things attached to the side of your head (better known as "ears") and actually listen (go ahead and google "listen" if you are unsure as to how this process works) (ok, you are reading this, but what I am saying is ABSORB THIS INFORMATION). 
   
 This time for women sucks - big time sucks. We'd rather not, but it's kinda required. You know how it feels to be punched in the Jewels? Well, what if you had to do that all day for 3-7 days every month? Yup. Thought you'd get that analogy.
 
 For a medical breakdown, I'm going to borrow some information from Dr. Google. A woman isn't just a giant a*hole, she's also experiencing any number, combination or ALL of the following:

  • mood swings
  • irritability
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • angry outbursts
  • confusion or fuzzy thinking
  • tearfulness
  • fatigue
  • insomnia
  • changes in libido
  • overeating
  • cravings, especially for salty or sweet foods
  • alcohol intolerance
  • acne
  • hives
  • abdominal and pelvic cramps
  • bloating
  • weight gain
  • headaches
  • menstrual migraines
  • breast swelling and pain
  • edema (visible swelling, particularly in the hands, feet and legs)
  • asthma
  • sinus problems
  • sore throat
  • worsening of chronic conditions like arthritis and ulcers
  • difficulty with coordination, being more prone to accidents
  • dizziness, decreased balance
  • heart pounding (palpitation)
  • nausea
  • fainting
  • urinary problems

   That's right. ALL THOSE THINGS. Now, remember the analogy about the Jewels? What if you were being hit there EVERY month for almost a week (and sometimes more) and ALSO had these symptoms?

  I'm sure I'm not the first person to point some of these things out, but what I want to add is this - what most of us absolutely HATE is when you say things like "Oh, is it that time of the month?" or "Someones got their period..." or "Why are you being such a B****H TODAY!?" (when you know we are having our monthly problem).

 
 WHY? WHY? Seriously? Did you READ those symptoms? Did you KNOW we have ALL OF THAT GOING ON AND WE CAN DO LITTLE TO NOTHING TO STOP IT and IT HAPPENS MONTHLY! REMEMBER THAT PART.

  So, dear sweet husbands/bf/and potentials, shut up. Stop asking and understand that we aren't just "being b****y", we are being women. Women who suffer monthly so that one day, we can POSSIBLY NOT have to endure through our "monthly visit" just to take on a whole NEW (and just as long and more complicated) set of crappier symptoms for nearly 10 whole months just to bring your chicken butt a baby.



Much Love,
The Mom Job


5 comments:

  1. How appropriate that you commented on my skinID quick take the same day that you posted this!! My husband always tries to come up with reasons for be to be happy that I'm having my period. Does. Not. Work.

    And about the aforementioned product, I'm still loving it... after 4 days :) This is the first time in a long time that I've been comfortable about going out in public without foundation. Granted, I'm still shiny, but the lack of acne has that totally trumped.

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  2. hahahahahahahahahahahahaahaah! I feel ya sister! Thankfully my DH is thoroughly trained in such areas and arms himself with chocolate, clean laundry/dishes ,baby care, and pain pills... don't ask how I did it, I just got lucky!

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  3. LOL...you hit that one RIGHT ON THE HEAD! and I LOVE YOU for it!

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  4. get a mirena already!!!

    GYAH.

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  5. oh oh oh !

    also.


    I haven't had an actual period since November of 2007. That's right ... SEVEN.

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