12 August 2009

In Which I Deliver Non-Pg-13ness...

I have a few confessions people - I'm not very PG-13 in real life.

I CAN be, but really? Pfft.

I know, I know... HUGE SHOCKER TO THOSE WHO KNOW ME.

But, I have an un-dieing urge to title a blog post Just. Like. This.

Consider this my version of an X-rated blogroll AND a disclaimer for anything I manage to say or link to for this post. You've been warned / fluffed.

On this blogroll, is afore-linked The Bloggess. She's f'in psycho in all the right ways. Heart her face. Seriously. Even when she gets all stabby or stalks William Shatner on Twitter, it couldn't be more spot-on with my Own Personal Brand Of Crazy.

Oooh... and her "advice" column is frickin' sweet and I swoon her for doing these. Like last week, she gave invaluable advice about ridding man stains. A must read for any dutiful housewife.

In My Brand Of Crazy things like this make my week:

Blondie commented on Dear Thyroid, I'd Like To Ask You to LEAVE (a less than stellar post about the stalkings of a starved sick girl dosed up on Legal Crack better known as Phenergran). She wrote:
I love pineapple on my pizza. Heck, i love peanut butter and pineapple sandwiches (chew on that one for a while).
My sister is anorexic - has been since she was at Auburn (close to 17 years). She's 5'6" and weighs about 95. Scary, huh?
So...you really aren't pregnant? If this is your thyroid, I would ask to have it removed from the premises - not just press charges!!
And yeah, reading that blog was similar to what I would expect an acid trip to feel like! lol.

I replied:
@Blondie - FINALLY, someone normal who likes pineapple.

Second, I'm sorry about your sister. Don't let her read my blog. Word on the street - I poke fun at anorexics while talking about how good food is. Probably not something she'll be into...

Third, I'm REALLY NOT PREGNANT. Sheesh, people. I've put in an eviction notice for the thyroid. It's not compliant.

Fourth, I have NEVER in my life received such an awesome compliment. I want to shower you with gold coins and leprechauns. TRUE STORY.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask this: DO COMPLIMENTS GET ANY BETTER?
The answer is no, my dears, no they do not.

And she's right. My writing is a little like what I'd expect an acid trip would be. Except, I've never done acid - so I'm kinda having to guess what's it's like too. But they have movies for these things people. And in those movies - stuff is all spinny and crazy and people are laughing and things appear from no where and really? That's pretty much me in a nutshell.

I'm going to try not to put that on my resume, but seriously... it'll be hard.

Interviewer: "So, Mrs. Amanda (yes they will call me that, shut your face) - tell me a little about yourself..."
Me: "Well, Mr. Interviewer (yes, I'll return the favor and call him/her whatever made up name they want to be called... say they choose "Mrs. FluffyPants", then so she shall be called! Mark this one under "Amanda's Fail Safe Interview Tips". You are welcome)... sorry, MRS. Fluffypants - couldn't tell you were a chick. My apologies. I would describe myself as passionate, creative and much like an acid trip."

The interview would be over and the job would be mine.
For serious.

And then.. there's Crissy from CrissysPage. She gets mad props in my book (I typed "boob" the first time - Crissy would approve) for having an entire site in which she speaks in third person. Amanda is envious she didn't think of this first for she is known for speaking in 3rd person until someone TOTALLY rude breaks her Happy Place. 

Stupid Happy Place Breakers. For. SHAME.

Crissy also doesn't hold back from posting pictures of her placenta, posting cleavage shots her Mister takes, how to totally hate on the home owner's association and/or historical people and/or neighbors and/or complete strangers... oh, and talking about bum sex (yes Crissy, that's gross - butT to each their own) (oooohhhh... sorry, Mom) (wait, not sorry - just be glad you raised a daughter that thinks that's gross) (extra mom points on the mom-sume) (go ahead and call your friends, this is important stuff here).

So, yeah. Visit her too.

Those are my top two. I don't want to taint the pool by giving more than that for now.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Lady!

    Thanks for the props (and linky goodness).

    Love your blog!

    Kisses,
    Crissy

    ps. try the bum secks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I so completely adore you.

    And I totally order pineapple on my pizza. Everyone else in the house thinks I'm insane. I'm pointing them here so they know I'm not alone.

    ReplyDelete
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