15 September 2009

On Field Trips and Sharing Ketamine

Ugh. Field Trips.

I received an email last week (that said to reply by Sunday... and I replied yesterday... that's only 24 hours, I win) that informed me Conner's class would be taking a field trip to a local veterinarian's office tomorrow (Wednesday) and some combination in the correct order of the following things must occur:

1) If I were driving my child, I had to bring a copy of my driver's license and insurance and birth certificate and a lock of the child's hair and a fresh set of finger prints and an i.d. card with the outfit he'd be wearing and a recent photo and well... hell.. go ahead and make a flyer for that says "Have You Seen This Child?" - just in case, because it's best if we already have that on file to expedite finding your child.

2) If I were unable to drive my child, to have him or her dressed in the official Your Parents Pay Money To Go Here Tshirt and dropped off by 8:45 (...and school starts at 8:30... so yeah.. I kinda FIGURED to have my child there less than 15 minutes late...) (unless they are secretly just playing dodgeball all day and sending him home with pre-colored pages so it doesn't *matter* when he is dropped off normally) and the child's car seat.

No siblings are allowed.
In full disclosure, I find it necessary to remind/inform all of you that I live in a military-centric city and in the part of town where the majority of those military peoples have been relocated and ergo, don't have a army of acceptable babysitters or family to keep The Stray Child in the Middle of a Work Day. So, not being able to tote Chase around on my hip while Conner looks at puppies boggles my littlest brain pieces, especially if I stay all Out Of The Way.

So, I got my panties all bunched because A) I have to drive PAST the Vet to meet his class only to drive back to the Vet and then... um... wait in the parking lot for an hour and a half with Chase? Ha! NO!
B) Let Conner ride with! another! person!

Really, for you to understand the extent of The Freaking Out... here's The Crazy I *actually* made another complete stranger endure, she's the room mom:

[introductory, apology and confirmation of the crap I just talked about above]
Basically, I don't know what to do here. I hate to be that "over protective mother", but I mean.. there are mothers out there just like that women who drove her 2 kids and her brother's 3 to their death and no one ever even knew she was an alcoholic.
See!? I sound JUST like "that" mom!!
But hey... I'd rather be "that" mom with my children safe...
Anyways, I guess what I am saying is either:
A) Is there room for Conner in someone's car? And I can follow them to the Vet's office and critique their driving down to a T all the way there?? (JOKE!)
B) Is there any way I can drive Conner myself and know exactly when to pick him up?
She replied hours later, after surely calling her husband or her mom and having a good laugh at me, and replied offering to personally drive Conner (she had room). I mulled over it for a bit and replied with lots of "thanks" ... o.. and this:
I'm leaning towards letting you drive him, if that's ok with you. I figure if you are capable enough of organizing these emails and whatnot SURELY you aren't hitting the wine at 8 AM. :)
I mean, the smiley negates The Crazy, right?

But still! She didn't acknowledge that she in fact was not a raging alchy till the next email when she said "I promise I'll be sober at 8AM".

Well, that's all fine and dandy, Mrs. Room Mom Lady, but I think I noticed the field trip wouldn't begin till 845... how about 9? Will you be sober at 9? 

And we *are* going to a vets office. Can I get it in writing that you won't be hitting the ketamine and horse tranquilizer stash? If you do, can you a) call me to come get Conner and b) save some for the class (as in - other moms - I am in NO way condoning the use of horse tranquilizers on children... sheesh... what kind of mother do you think I am??!!?) (that's why they make Benadryl) (and rum)

Sharing is a corner stone to preschool, lady.


  1. yes, I feel you- none of these options would work for me either!

  2. 1. That's a pretty crummy way of organizing a field trip.
    2. Thanks, Amanda. I really needed that on this Day of Tantrums. I needed the laugh. Really.

  3. Yee God! Should a field trip be that freaking hard to organize? Just make sure you wash his little hands well when he get well. What if he actually touches the ketamine and touches his little brother?

    Really how fun can a vet's office be for toddlers? It's freaked animals hunkering down in their cages and little kids aren't allowed to touch anything in places like that. What about a petting zoo or a farm? Is there not any of those around?

  4. Oi. Last comment, major typos. forgive me, I just woke up and I am hungover ;-) I am in haze due to allergies and I am groggy.

  5. I love you so much! Ah the Ketamine... You ARE even more crazy as a mom!!! (sharing is the corner to preschool....) Watch it with that rum & benadryl combo... Conner has been showing interest in the hazier side of life since his discovery in that dressing room oh-so-long ago... HAHAHA!!! I hope they are going to a real vet and not a shelter, because that is way sad. I was just talking to a friend this morning about how sad it was that we had to go to the zoo for field trips (B'ham zoo, not the best!!!)

    Anyway, love ya!

  6. Now I have to add "field trips" to my list of Many, Many Reasons I Am Terrified to Have Kids.

    Seriously, though - The Crazy is totally understandable. And I can't believe the room mom's response was "I'll be sober at 8." That does not instill confidence! I'd want assurance of seat belts and driving commendations and First Aid expertise not to mention complete abstinence from alcohol for at least a week. :-)

  7. That's so funny, I just blogged today about this exact situation.... I'm so glad I'm not alone here!!


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