29 September 2009

Special Diet - High In Aluminum. Surely That's Safe, Right?

Life's a little funky these days which means for you, dear readers, my blog gets less attention. None of it is really "blog material".
Fortunately, where I lack in new material, I have decided to make up in old - stuff you haven't read before because I did not happen to have a blog 10 years ago. I know, shocker, right? WhatDidIdoBeforeMyBlog?!?!? Just the thought gives me a tiny aneurysm.

I waited (wait?) tables for many many years. Eh, it FELT like many many years, because you age 4.5 times faster when you walk that much for 10 hours at a time for 4-5 times a week. No lie. I have no idea how people handle that for so long without burning out. You know... The Lifers? Those people amaze me in restaruants. All the drama, the b.s., The Ticked Off Customer Nights, the insanely self-absorbed managers and bar tenders, THE DRAMA... etc.

At my first real waitressing gig (I was a to-go girl for Chili's before this), I worked at TGI Friday's. No, there was no flair. And I have a strict "No Birthday Song" requirement - it was one of the few questions I asked the potential employer during interviews.


One night I had the "party section". Not as fun as it sounds, not at all. To me, it was absolutely the worst section in the restaurant. It consisted of 3 "regular top" (4 seats) tables and one hella long table for 10ish. The good thing about this table was that a drink station was right beside it, so it meant not having to lug all those drinks out there and then refills were a breeze - anyways (geez my ADD is on fire today) - I had this table full one late Thursday evening.

I think I had one other table too.

The patrons were, at first glance, totally normal. Not too bossy looking (yes, bossy people - YOU LOOK BOSSY. Get a better poker face). About 8 people between... I'd say... 25 and 40. I began taking orders after bringing out drinks, and the first 4 were totally normal. Nothing too complicated or memorable, honestly. Then I came to a couple, man and woman, sitting across from each other. The woman looks at me with... almost embarassment, as she says "we have a rather unusual request".

I most likely laughed a bit and returned "I'm sure it's no big deal."

To which she begins to explain "Can we get all of our food on disposable plates, bowls and with to-go utensils? And could you wrap it all in aluminum foil?"

"Um. well. Of course, I'd be happy to help you... but see... we only have to-go spoons, forks and knives and do not have plates."

She laughs a bit and says "well, if you don't have disposable plates, could you just do this: Line a bunch of regular plates in tin foil. Still bring the to-go utensils and make sure that any food that is served to us is served on aluminum wrapped plates, bowls and platters."

My insides are laughing. I am trying to keep a straight face. I turn to the rest of the party that had yet to order and I ask if anyone else will be requiring their entire dining experience wrapped in foil. Two other people do - bringing my total to 4. That's 4 appetizer plates, 1 large appetizer plate, 4 salad bowls, and 4 main entree plates (at least). I told them I would do what I could and ran off to the kitchen area to laugh my butt off.

Aaron was the manager for the night, and he always had a really good sense of humor. There couldn't have been a better manager to "put this off on". He would not only DO it, but he'd most likely laugh with these people about it. I told him the story, and as expected, he looked at me all bewildered-like and then start laughing hysterically. (after, of course, he asked me 15 times "this is a joke, right?")

As soon as he was finished, *cough*Aaron*cough*, he took my notepad with written requests out to the table, dragged me along, and proceeded to get at least a mild explanation out of these people. I guess I never thought to ask...

He was blunt, yet charming, and all-around tickled and it showed. "So... you want my kitchen staff to wrap about 16 plates or bowls in aluminum foil before this food gets to you. Ok. Not a problem. But can I ask why?"

The answer would make us want to die laughing right there.

Without so much as a hitch, the women responded "We are on a special diet. It may sound silly, but we believe that the food's energy is part of what helps you lose weight. Ceramic plates are the worst for this so, everything we eat is served on aluminum foil. We even try to cook on it. Because the foil is reflective, the energy comes back to you."

Um. So. Because your food is served on something SHINEY you will magically not gain weight. Wait. You think you can eat WHATEVER you want as long as it is SERVED on SHINEY things? Bananas. That's absolutely ape crap.

Aaron laughed, of course, but agreed.

The food came out each time lined in aluminum. It looked bizarre, like these people were eating on a space ship or something. And I must admit, although it had to of been a pain for the kitchen staff, it made busing the table a breeze.

And I had a good laugh and a story to tell. Win.


  1. The diets I've heard of are plenty (in both the logical and crazy varieties) but this takes the cake! That's nuts! But I would SO be asking why, aren't you glad your manager did? :)

    (Ever heard of the chop stick diet? You can eat whatever you want but you have to eat with chopsticks - no fingers, no silverware... or the stand-to-eat diet where you must eat standing up and you CANNOT eat anything sitting down or laying down. Uh huh.)

  2. That is hilarious!

    I bet you have tons of good stories from waiting tables. That's got to be such a tough job... but I bet you meet tons of "interesting" people!

  3. My grandpa used to do the nothing white diet. He didn't eat anything white, no bread, potatoes, ice cream, butter. It actually worked pretty well. :)

  4. Did they specify shiny side up so that the energy would be ultra reflective?


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