25 September 2009

Swoon. Grey's. (not a tv post) (more about me avoiding a speech pathologist)

Conner had his speech tested the week before last, and he had a few areas that came up as needing additional testing, which is NO SURPRISE TO THE PERSON TYPING THIS.

So, the speech pathologist calls last night to go over his results and sign him up for additional screenings.

I was mid Conner-Is-Getting-Stuffed-In-A-Box-And-Shipped-Straight-To-Tibet mode, as he had been A Pain the entire day.

Also noteworthy? Grey's Anatomy was on and DUDE! Why was she calling me during Grey's??

She asked if I had any questions, first, and why is it that when I start speaking to a speech pathologist my speech gets all slurry and I stutter and I develop some type of lisp?
Whatever, world.

Soooo. It's maybe 5 minutes into the conversation when I find Conner ramming his feet into Chase's rib cage, and my NATURAL reaction? Slap the first body part my hand comes in contact with. Hard.

And OF COURSE, all she can hear? One of those skin cracking pops that sounds like you just hit your child with a bull wip. You know. The kind that most likely just ACTUALLY hurt you more (as opposed to the kind that "emotionally" "hurt you more"). The kind of well-deserved pop that sounds a million times worse than it is.

Followed swiftly by a "hold on one second please... CONNER! Go! To! YOUR! ROOM!" and for some reason she took this opportunity to tell me she COULD call me back, to which I calmly replied "yes, well, Grey's Anatomy IS on, lady" no... wait.. I said "no no, this is fine. Conner is just acting out tonight, but now he's in his room in time out. Please continue. I'm sorry"....

So since she can't read minds, which I mean, I thought that was part of children's speech pathology, maybe not... she kept talking. Only, Conner got out of time out and found me walking away from his room so, without warning to the lady on the phone, I snapped "I am ON the phone and that means you DO NOT TALK and also? YOU!ARE!!SUPPOSED!!TO!BE!IN!TIME!OUT!!SO!MARCH!!IT!!!RIGHT!!NOW!!!!". (you know, the Parental Run On Sentence-Word in which each letter that has to leave your throat feels like a hot coal and you want to hurl a pair of scissors in your own eyes.)

Back on the phone, the lady is shoved an "i'm sorry" as I try and find the remote to turn up turn down my Precious Programming and she begins to insist that we talk again later. Only? She asks me to call her back between 9 and 930. Again? TV.

And of course, I forgot.
And by forgot? I mean I was watching tv.

(Yes, I have DVR. No, I don't care to watch Grey's another time. Also? It was acting funky because it was trying to record two things at once and I was afraid it would do what it did LAST time I defied God and chose to do something else when Grey's was on and NOT RECORD IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH.)


  1. "Only? She asks me to call her back between 9 and 930. Again? TV."


    Have a wonderful weekend :)

  2. Buahahahaha, that just made my day. You and I have the same sentiments. These people who call during the ONLY golden hour of t.v., who either ask for money or to lower your interest. I usually pick up and hang up. Unless its family to which i answer the phone with- are you bleeding or dying?

  3. Awww - I'm sure it wasn't quite as bad as you think it was. Anyway, it is probably your duty to make her feel as awkward and uncomfortable as possible. :-) Honestly - who calls that late? It baffles me.

  4. This sentence just made my day:

    (you know, the Parental Run On Sentence-Word in which each letter that has to leave your throat feels like a hot coal and you want to hurl a pair of scissors in your own eyes.)

    I am so glad I'm not the only one... thank you, thank you, thank you.

  5. I love your posts.

    The End.

    (oh and I love Grey's too)

    The Actual End.

  6. @Brad - aww. DOLL! And you blog? nicey :)

    @Chasa - 'are you bleeding or dieing?' might be my new answer on Thursday evenings.

    @Mrs D. - You do have a point... I just fulfilled my duties...

    @Ellie - Ever get the ones that come out as jumbled up words mixed with FIRE?

    @Heather - And I love yours. And grey's. : )

  7. Seriously? When did 9:00 become the time to have professional phone calls? Seems kinda weird to me. I mean, I'm sure she has plenty to do during the day and all, but it's not like you're working a job that doesn't allow you to take calls, so she could call you during "normal business hours" for the rest of the area, right? Regardless of what is on TV (and I'm right there with you, honest), but especially during premiere week. What are these people thinking?

  8. oh my gosh- just did a little blog hop and found this post. i about peed my pants. amen to Greys not being interrupted and stupid DVR failing you when you need it most. Thanks for the laugh!


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