There you go. Fill that with money... because I am about to share an amazing trick that will make you all go "I wonder how much money I should send Amanda for this amazing piece of knowledge. Is a box full enough?"
Answer: No, but because I love all of you a box will do just fine. (I'd recommend getting that Box O'Money weighed for proper shipping fees)
How To Feel Younger Overnight:
Step 1 - Go through a really stressful situation. The more stressful, the better. (this isn't called How To Feel BETTER Overnight, just 'younger') (stop complaining) ($5.95 for shipping and handling for excessive bitching) (it's in the fine print).
Step 2 - Forget your 'actual' age. This works best if you genuinely forget it. None of that fake "oh damn! I forgot to thaw out the meat! Guess it's pizza tonight" crap. I am talking about "wow. I have no clue what happened last night but I know vodka and the Cotton Eyed Joe were involved" forgetting. THAT kind of forget.
Step 3 - Tell everyone your 'new' age. (higher than your actual age or this doesn't work) By 'everyone' I clearly mean 'the internet'.
Step 4 - Correct your husband in public when he mentions your 'real' age. Insist he is being an asshole for getting it wrong.
Step 5 - Do this enough that eventually your husband gets annoyed and corrects YOU for being so wrong.
Step 6 - Remember that you are *supposed* to be forgetting your 'actual' age and act confused because you sincerely believe that you are your 'new' age.
Step 7 - Have husband rolling on the floor laughing because he thinks you have for reals forgotten how old you are.
Step 8 - Frantically google "age if birthday is xx-xx-1984". Come up with nothing. Try about 4 different versions of this sentence praying for an "age calculator".
Step 9 - Fail at finding an app for that.
Step 10 - Have a complete stranger point out that he was born a month after you and is currently your 'real' age.
Step 11 - Congratulations. Instead of thinking you are 26, and have been for the last 2+ months, you realize you are in REAL LIFE 25.
All Rights Reseved Copyright ⓒ 2007 - 2010 TheMomJob.net Amanda Zaremba
Disclaimer: The content displayed on this page is in no way the reflection of someone who knows what the crap she’s talking about except on the rare occasions where experience is considered adequate training for situational circumstances. That is to say, only take this content with a grain of salt and be sure to consult a professional (or another mommy blogger…) for additional information. Stay off the carpet lines. Do not drink alcohol while reading this content unless you are wearing proper undergarments. May cause seizures and spontaneous loss of bladder control. Please yield to incoming traffic. You do not have the authority to copy or redistribute any of the content without prior permission. All materials copyright 2007 2008 2009. Take with a tall glass of water, but don’t drink the Kool-Aid. Do not pass go. I reserve the right to ban you from this address if you can not play nicely with others. Those who leave nasty comments or taunt others on this site also risk head trauma, time outs and corporal punishment. Keep all appendages inside the vehicle while in motion. The exits are located at the front ,the side and my rear. Your seat may be used as a floatation device in the case of an over water landing. Thank you for choosing “The Mom Job” and have a pleasant day.