04 March 2010

IF YOU ARE THE BITCHY RECEPTIONIST LADY I'M TALKING ABOUT, THEN PLEASE REFER TO THE LAST 3 LINES

Just got back from one of those instances in life where I am damn thankful I have a blog - DAMN THANKFUL, I SAY, BITCHY RECEPTIONIST LADY.

Setting: First speech pathology appointment at Conner's New Speech Place. We are in a classroom-turned-office-space in the middle of a typical brick building for communications courses and whatnot.  This same building has a "child development"center down the hall - so it's easy to say this place sees it's fair share of children.

There are about 7 chairs in the waiting room, so it's small.

ANYWAYS.

As many know, university parking is a STEW POT OF SUCK, and on the first day, I did not have University Level Access For Vehicle Stability Placement (read: parking pass). So, I parked where I could, hauled butt in the FREEZING COLD and 15-20 MPG WINDS, unloaded two icicle children and hiked 7.89 trillion miles to the speech center.

Bitchy Lady: Where are you parked?
Me: In the parking lot with the other cars (lol)
Bitchy Lady: Well, here's the pass. Put it in your window so you don't get a Fake Ticket.
Me: ....
Me: Um. IT'S COLD AS YOUR CROTCH OUTSIDE AND YOU WANT ME TO HIKE BACK OUT WITH BOTH CHILDREN, YOU WHORE. (read: "ok. thanks")

I exited with said children, hiked backwards uphill through the snow, placed my Special Permit in the windshield and returned to fill out 15,000 sheets of the same 6 questions, only reworded.

That day, the same lady managed to tell me that I couldn't USE MY PORTABLE DVD PLAYER TO ENTERTAIN MY 2-YEAR-OLD IN THE OFFICE ON A MORE THAN REASONABLE VOLUME LEVEL. I hate her whole life.

Additionally:
Bitchy Whore Lady With Way Too Many Thorns In Her Vag tells me:

  • To keep my 2-year-old "more quiet" because "this is an office" 
  • That she doesn't "do" insurance paperwork and I should ask again... "later". SERIOUSLY, MIGHT I SUGGEST YOU THINK OF A BETTER ANSWER TO MY INSURANCE-RELATED QUESTIONS THAN "MAYBE LATER.
But... the speech doctor lady was nice and I liked the program, so we stayed with this place. 

Then today, I bring Conner in for his weekly lesson. Chase is being EXCEPTIONALLY UNRULY, more than normal because I have to wake him from his afternoon nap 20 minutes early to make these appointments.

To calm him, I bring his typical 3:30 treat - some fruit snacks.

Bitchy Vamp Of Doom: *manages to pry lard butt from swivel chair* Excuse, ma'am. You can't have food in here. 
Me: *evil "eff off" face* Um. Where am I supposed to feed him his snack?
Bitchy Vamp Of Doom: Well. There's a courtyard outside with some seating.

Yeah.

I grab up: my phone, Chase's snack, my keys, Chase's shoes that he managed to remove (because he always does), Conner's work folder (read: a billion items) AND MY WIGGLY 27 LB. CHILD and "help" myself to this "courtyard o' snack paradise".

It's next to a parking lot. With a 2-year-old. Boy. WHO NEEDS HIS SNACK.
F**king prick.

EXPLAIN TO ME, POINTLESS RULE NAZI, WHY MY TODDLER CAN'T HAVE A NOT-MESSY-IN-THE-LEAST FRUIT CHEW THAT I WAS ADMINISTERING TO HIM IN A NOT-AT-ALL-MESSY MANNER THAT WOULD NORMALLY TAKE AN ENTIRE 2 MINUTES IN YOUR PRECIOUS PRETEND DOCTOR'S OFFICE, BUT INSTEAD HAD TO MORPH INTO A WRESTLING MATCH IN THE COURTYARD (IN 45 DEGREE WEATHER AND 20 MPH WINDS) FOR A HALF HOUR.

I'm not opposed to rules (only allergic), so I will admit this: as with many buildings, there was a sign that read "no food or drink". Perhaps, here are a few instances where said rule should be adhered to:






not:


AND MAYBE, I'd understand your Nazi ways a little better if you worked in say....

or

(Lions LOVE fruit snacks. Trust me)

BUT NO, Slutty McWhoreFace, it's a office in which you've:
  • Banned my portable DVD player
  • Asked me to keep my child silent
  • And are likely to enforce the "NO CELL PHONES, PLEASE" sign I noticed in the hallway.
Basically, in summary -

Dear Receptionist,
EAT ME.

- Amanda

7 comments:

  1. bhahahahah! I laughed out loud, you put on paper the things i can't verbalize. love it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I so needed to read this...I've cried more than smiled this week and your retelling and telling off is friggin' hilarious (I think I would have smacked her).

    She's an idiot and I would love to eat a bbq sammich with extra sauce and slaw right in front of her while talking on my cell phone...

    ReplyDelete
  3. tarheelmom05 March, 2010

    So...I'm taking it you don't like this she-devil.
    Bless your heart...isn't it awful that someone like that can ruin your day and make you dread every return visit. You should give her one of your sons fake cop badges.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would SO either
    A) Tell her off (because I am more than slightly aggressive)
    B) Mention to the doc what a witch she is (because I can be subtly aggressive)
    C) Call and ask to speak to office manager and complain of the rudeness anonymously (because I"m also a little passive aggressive) lol
    or probably all 3 because rally I'm out for blood- and her job needs to go to someone who would better appreciate it . :-D

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh dear. This is an office where they see a lot of children? The lady needs to seek a new job. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete

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