Who Wants Amanda To Stop Blogging About Babies That Have Yet to Be Conceived?

After this post, Mrs. Moose (who has been very spot-on with all her comments baby-related lately) had this to say: 

I don't think it's selfish to want another. You're not taking anything away from anyone by having a baby - but at the same time it's not selfish to not have more kids either. I think it needs to be a personal choice and each person if different. I have a friend who says it's selfish to limit the size of your family, but I disagree. She has 5 kids, and I think I would have to be committed if I had 5 kids. I'm not wired that way. But she is and it works for her. 
I think you (the general you) need to step back and examine your desire for another baby or not. Do you just want that newborn baby months and then when he/she becomes a toddler, you'd rather give them away?:) It's probably a good idea to skip the next kid. Do you desperately want another little one running around because your family isn't complete? Maybe it's time for another one. 

Several parts of her comment hit home.

First, the woman Mrs. Moose mentions with 5 kids. Heather of the Extraordinary Ordinary (who has  2 boys herself, and several "maybe baby" posts as well) commented on the same post saying that if we agree that 3 is fine with us to try (or stop NOT trying NOT to...). If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't.

 I'd like to say we could do that, but with our track record, we'd be pregnant yesterday. (Please don't hate me if you are one who has or has had a difficult time conceiving. You'll never know how much my heart aches for you. I've even considered gestational surrogacy before, and haven't ruled it out, but for now I need to cement my family... mom stop googling "gestational surrogacy" and leave it at that, k?)

So, not "not trying" won't work, we will end up pregnant. Period.

The second part that hit home with Mrs. Moose's post, the part that REALLY struck a chord was when she talks about WHY we'd want another wee-one. Would it be just to have a baby in the house? I'm making sure to ponder that one long and hard. See, Chase is at a really fun age in Babyhood venturing towards ToddlerLand at full speed. Conner, well, he's amazing, but let us be brutually honest here - he's almost 4 and he's BOY. He's also on my last nerve about 75% (scratch that, 89%) of the day lately. I know SOME of it is his age, some his gender, but the rest? It's just him. He's loud, he is very, very active, he's needy (ok, in a positive term - he is very emotional and must have attention). Needless to say, he is NOT independent and craves any attention - negative OR positive.

Now, all babies grow up, and I'm certain at some point all children make their mother's wish they'd take a 6 hour nap in their rooms while momma hits the booze cabinet. 

BUT, there ARE ALL the AMAZING times I have with both my children, Conner so very included in that. I get to see the world through his eyes. I'm also positive that we have so many things to do and memories to make that only come with our children growing up.

The question Mrs. Moose asks is: "Is your family complete?" - that's what I am pondering now. I look at my two boys and sometimes I think yes. They are starting to play together (although sometimes rough = BOYS!). Conner loves his baby brother and Chase (when not being tackled or kicked) adores Conner. They are quite the pair. Michael and I have the ability to each take one. We aren't outnumbered, and sometimes, parenting is all about the numbers. 

And does there seem to be this clear line with the numbers game? Through all these posts and comments, I've realized that there appears to be a very clear divide: those who only want 1 or 2 AND THAT IS IT and then those who are ok with more than 2. There's really no middle. Only 2 or more than 2. Pick a side. Line in the sand.

Many of you pointed out the obvious - you have time on your side. So... I think this will be my last "maybe baby" post for a bit. I can not thank ALL of you enough for your thoughtful insights, encouragements and personal stories. It really has been a lot to think about and you've done nothing but help our family sort through things. I love you all... or as Funny Amanda would say: I totally heart your faces....

Selfish or Selfless: The Baby Debate Continues

Wanting another little person, little smiles and little feet... little fingers and toes and kissable tummies and cheeks, wanting all those things is not selfish. It's natural.

But already having those things, packaged into the most adorable little people known as Chase and Conner and still wanting more, is that selfish?

It's very selfless to be a mother. To give up sleep and energy, careers and oodles of cash (or I'd like to THINK oodles of cash if I were working), is pretty selfless. You give and give and give, and aside from the heartmelting hugs and nights when you catch them sleeping all angelic like, most parents don't get a meaningful "thanks for everything" until said children are in their 20-somethings IF they are lucky.

It takes patience, luck, tears, some serious balance, and lots of love to parent two small children - and sometimes, it can be the most under appreciated job on the planet. You scrub boogers off walls, pick dirt out of ears, fight tooth-and-nail over teeth that need brushing and short-order cook yourself silly for your tiny Nazi children.

It's selfless to want more of that. To offer everything and not expect more than sharing the life of a child.

But, is it selfish to want more? Possibly, it's the most selfish thing anyone able to produce babies can do AND it almost seems like those of us who are fortunate enough to have more children are selfish to stop, too. I am no stranger to the Infertility community online (try The Stirrup Queen, she's amazing). I feel for those families, and it makes me think that I'm selfishly being comfortable with just two. Just. Two. Isn't that enough?

I once said that I didn't want to have a second after Conner because I thought "if I am this bad of a mother, if I can't get the dishes clean or the laundry done or some other mundane task completed, then how could I ever add another little person to the mix and expect anything to get better."

I thought that I'd be a worse mother if I had two kids, like twice the mess would make me half the mother.

But I couldn't have been more wrong. I think I've quoted her on this subject before, but I'll say it again, Staci once told me that you just do what you have to do. That's it.

She's so right.

Yes, I complain. I complain more in person that I do on here (could that even be true? yes. yes, it is). When I can't get the laundry caught up, and the dishes are mounting and I'm the only person who's picked up a toy in a week, I loose it. It's incredibly frustrating. And to do all that The Mom Job requires is selfless. Very, very selfless.

Selfish to want another? Selfless to raise that child. What a pickle.