In Which My 4-year-old Tells A German Man To Eat It

I frequently address what it's like to do this job, being a mom, but rarely do I mention what it means to do the same job from the male perspective - the "dad job", if you will. It's his job to teach our sons the timeless classics - how to hold a football with fingers to laces, what a proper full body tackle looks like, or where to find the best fishing spots. In Conner's case, this also means proper gaming technique, phrasing included.

Conner and Michael play a few games on our Wii and PS3, admittely some are not in his age range, but rest assured that we take steps to keep these as "kid friendly" as possible, and several games are saved specifically for post-bedtime (read: Michael's eyes only). But, let's be frank here - sheltering children from things they see on Spiderman (cartoon) and Transformers (also cartoon) are simply unrealistic. For the sake of this story, Conner was playing a game where you line up tanks, take down helicopters, and shift troops (no blood, no person-on-person combat, etc) - it's about strategy. 

Normally, as in 99% of the time, Michael plays alongside Conner. They team up, high five at "major take downs", "boo" enemy enclaves, "fist bump" over reached redenevouz points and subscribe to a very specific brotherhood known as Gaming Lingo.

"Yeah, baby!" exclaims my nearly 5-year-old, "LET ME SHOW YOU MY SURPRISE!" he torts towards his defeated foes. Michael agrees, acknowledges a downed enemy helicopter and they move on to the next area. There's even a sense of competition between them. During any given game, Conner teases Michael "why do you ALWAYS die, gah!". 

It's really all hilarious. But today, at an early dinner of crockpot Chicken Noodle soup (which was simply amazing, just so you know), Conner decided that he wasn't hungry for a "second lunch" (seeing as he ate only 45 minutes prior), and so we allowed him to continue playing his game. But, Conner being the "button pusher" that he is, he decides to mess around with the settings, and while we are eating within ear shot, he joins an online mission, in which players from all over the globe join in on a single mission to work together or to fight against each other. In an online round, players use a chat feature or a wireless headset to communicate with each other as a team, or if playing against each other, to engage in "smack talk". 

Within minutes, I detect German chatter coming from our bedroom and step in to check on Conner. He's engaged in moving tanks around in Paris, and a man is talking calmly (in German) over our tv speaker. It's then that it hits me that this stranger, halfway around the world, is using his Sunday afternoon to engage in online combat with a 4-year-old, who is smack talking him. The best part? It's a WWII setting (silly Germans), and my American son is kicking his heiny.

"How do you like THAT?" as he takes out another helicopter. Then we hear more German that neither of us understand. "I've got something fooor youuuu" as he serves up another Can of YouKnowWhat (with sauerkraut, of course).

For Mission: Teach Children Proper Smack, Mike gets an "all clear".

Valentine's Day - Picture Post

I'm thinking it's going to be awhile before I totally get it "together" with working the new camera, but I'm enjoying the learning process.

These pictures are from Conner's Valentine's Day party at school last week. Chase, obviously, tagged along, but dove right into the classroom setting, pulled up a chair beside his big brother and had a ball.

They shared pink cherry 7-up...

and made Valentine's Day art...

and then we went home. The end. (hahahha - I am SUCH a good blogger!) (or not)

Some Of You Are Missing Out.

Most of you are lucky (cough) enough to be Facebook friends with me (very elite group) (totally joking) and if you aren't following me on Twitter.. well... you are totally missing out.

For instance, you missed Chase's 2nd Birthday panda cuipcakes a-la me and about 7 years of my life that I will never get back from said cupcake baking.

And you are missing out on my Game Day tweets as well as .. um... yeah. Now that I think about it, just a truck load of random Amandaisms under 140 characters. Sometimes, you are missing run-on Amandaisms in 140 character spurts. I'm a professional Twitter feed spammer. Consider my resume updated.

On Facebook, you are missing the same Twitter feed (they are synced because my insanity is bound by a one social medium limit) plus some pictures. For instance, these of Conner:

 

... and us trying to figure out why it's SO DANG COLD AND WINDY!

Follow me on Twitter already. Sheesh.

In A Pickle Without A Key

I'd hear jingle, jingle clank, clank each time he'd shift his weight while sitting, albeit rather impatiently, in the large, green chair in our living room. Conner didn't ask too many questions and accepted his sentencing - to wait out 4 hours with military-grade handcuffs strapped around one ankle.

Not 30 minutes prior, Conner's curiosity captured him and his right leg. He trapped himself in the handcuffs an employee gave my husband as prank gift, and came to me for the keys.

"Oh no baby! Daddy has the keys on his key ring and he's at work till 4, at least!" I answered to his sad little eyes.

He responded with the look he normal gives when he says "Are you being serious, momma?".

I laughed a bit with Conner to lighten the mood while assuring him that the cuffs were not on tight, and then Michael text me a suggestion - "put the other cuff on the same leg". (Oh man, the laughter) This way, Conner wouldn't be annoyed with the cuffs hanging off his leg and on to the floor nor would they wear on his skin.

I grabbed a long pair of pj bottoms, pulled the leg through the first cuff, and gently locked the second. Conner sat so quietly, and laughed only when I told him he was my prisoner for the day.

And so he waited, without so much as a peep.

Four hours later, Michael walked through the front door. Conner sunk slowly to the ground from his green chair and placed one cuffed ankle into the air. He didn't say a word but his face read "UNLOCK ME NOW!". Michael slipped the key into each cuff, turned and suddenly, Conner was free.

He hasn't asked about the handcuffs since his "hard time", they've been put away (NEVER TO BE USED BY ANYONE) and maybe, he has learned that the criminal lifestyle is not for him. After all, no one looks good in stripes and ankle bracelets.

Day At The Park (Mostly Just Interesting For My Mom)

We went here (the parks around Alabama Shakespeare Festival, Museum and Theater) -

And fed these (see: below) some very yummy Lance's Grilled Cheese crackers (because damnit, that's all we had and they were already crushed)

                                                       ROAR!

And towards the back of the park, next to the art museum, were several Where The Wild Things Are-esque sculptures made of twigs. Amazing. You can see them in the background (on the left) in this picture -

Chase's hand.. AWWWW

And after I uploaded all of these, I noticed that Picasa can make collages, so I did just that.

Chain Gang Shuffle

edited to add: IT IS NATIONAL DELURKER DAY! So leave a comment!! I'll stalk ya back if you want :) 


I'm not sure what Michael's motivation was for obtaining a "free" pair of handcuffs from an employee's husband, but leaving the keys to aofrementioned handcuffs in the house would have been a smart idea.

A better idea would have been not owning these stupid things, or never showing them to Conner.

It'll be 4 hours before the keys arrive home.

These will be put away, and NEVER be used for ANYTHING ever again.

Roll Tide

Game Day Jerseys and a Roll Tide

2010 National Champions

Focal B&W

Playing With The New Camera and Picasa3

Low Saturation - Toy Cars

High Saturation - Toy Cars

Focal Black and White - Conner and Football

Focal Black and White - Come on... Who doesn't have "artsy" pictures of their fake floral arrangements?

Untouched - "How YOU doin'?" Conner

Untouched - Chase's favorite thing to say, "I am MAD!"

Unedited - WHO DOESN'T HAVE A PICTURE LIKE THIS AS WELL? Thought so.  

Fiscally Minded, We Are

Last week, we (as in all 4 of us) dragged ourselves to the local Portrait Innovations and had, yet another, family session and individual photos made of the boys.

We weren't there 5 minutes before Michael looked at me and said "I really hate doing pictures".

I could not agree more.

Don't get me wrong, I love Portrait Innovation, but having the same backdrops in all of our photos (as in, all of the photos from the last four years) is frustrating me. Equally as aggrivating is seeing the same 10 or so poses repeated in a different order by a varying amount of photographers. Then, of course, there's also the issue I have with them looking too staged. What other time are either of my boys sitting still, facing a wall with an angelic gleam about their rosey cheeks, prim and proper in a lovely (read: ironed) button down shirt? With socks on?

Never.

Ok, maybe Christmas and their birthday (maybe).

Of course, there's also the price. Twice a year, I go into panic mode looking for outfits that don't necessary match, but at least belong to the same color palette. Of course, this results in me hauling us to the mall to find a missing neutral long sleeve, or a pair of khakis that don't fall off my tiny-waisted children. All of those things being less than cheap. 

The actual price of the pictures isn't "department store" high, but it's also not "do it at home or at the local drugstore" cheap. For this particular trip, our bill tallied at exactly 200 dollars. But that doesn't factor in the $70+ I spent on clothes since Chase would have otherwise modeled the same outfit as Conner's did in his photos at Chase's age (in the act same pose with the exact same backdrop. See my problem here?)

The pictures are lovely, I'll admit that. The photographer was kind and amusing (aside from the fact she needs to get a better "trick", the one she was using became old after the 10th time). They are surely memories I'll cherish forever.

I wanted to break this rut though, and I've long wanted a nice (niceish) SLR camera so I could take better photographs and need a professional studio less often. Honestly, however, I underestimated the power of a good financial sense and never presented this desire to my husband.

Until, it is, we came home that day after busting our butts for these pictures, simply drained from Chase's run-on tantrum and Conner's incessant proclamation for a bowl of ice cream, and a friend of Michael's mentioned that a nice camera could, possibly, eliminate the need for the biannual Portrait Innovations merry-go-round.

He, having a profession in the financial sector, was sold. For the same price of two of these sessions, the camera would be "paid for". 

This is the part where I introduce all of you to our new, money-saving, less-headache-producing, thank-god-because-seriously-matching-outfits-for-pictures-makes-me-want-to-cry, Nikon D60.

Someone teach me how to use it?

The Organization Of Boys

I wish I could enjoy Christmas and birthdays more, but after a few hours of unwrapping, smiling, filming, oohing and aahing, one thing always brings me back down to Earth: all of this new stuff has to go somewhere.

It's then that I panic. My face and neck get itchy and my eye begins to twitch. I break a sweat looking around my living room. Then, I try to escape, running wildly towards my bedroom. I fling my body onto my bed and attempt to smother hide my face from the growing toy army that's emerged in my living quarters, only to find myself in a sea of floating legos and miscellanous toy parts that have managed to make a fort inside my sheets.

This year, it's particularly bad. Chase had his first genuine "gifting" birthday (i.e. - he can get stuff that we didn't already own from Conner's babyhood) coupled with Christmas and BAM! I'm in an asylum, forever.

The playroom's walls are officially completely lined. In some spots, the toys go two and three wide towards the center of the room. I've installed a fisherman's casting net in one corner to store all 4.5 years of stuffed animals (WHY ON EARTH DO WE OWN SO MANY STUFFED ANIMALS?). I have one incomplete set of shelves and a small bookcase. The toy bin is full and has been that way for a year. The secondary toy bin is now also full (big sigh).

So when my living room looked as if a hoarder moved in late Christmas day, I had to take immediate action: Target.

After years of searching for a sturdy, yet affordable, organization and shelving system, I stumbled into the mecca known as Target and emerged victorious with one 9-cube organizer (on sale for $39.99!). I was hesitant about it being made of particle board, but surprisingly, this is very sturdy and as well-made as an item fabricated from particle board can be.

I'm impressed, really.

The next ordeal came when I realized I had to actually sift through the large heaps of toys, seperate and organize into categories.

This shelf would have to reside in Conner's room, not the playroom (and since then, we've purchased one just for Chase's room), so the toys I would store in it needed to be the ones that Conner played with more than Chase. Having children so close in age means they do share a good bit of toys, but it also means when one  wanders into Conner's room to play, so does the other.

I began sifting through the new toys - robots, Star Wars, action figures and swords. Each needed to be put in a bin with those items most similar, to avoid a battle between Yoda and Bumble Bee, naturally.

The categorizing was the most daunting. Do Transformers count as robots or vehicles? Can all action figures be placed in the same reciprocal, or do Stars Wars and Terminators need to be housed separately? Do swords need a special place away from lightsabers? What about "grenade launchers"? And nunchuks? Can I place them all in a bin labeled 'armaments'? If so, do the 5 masks belong there too?

For the record, I decided that Transformers are robots before vehicles, and therefore belong with the other robots (even if they boss them around a bit). All weapons (that fit) are with the masks. In another bin, I placed all electronic games (Wii and Leapster). The action figures were sorted by size, with the Star Wars and Terminators sharing one container, and the army men and knights in another.

For now, this works. I'm just hoping we won't need to buy the empty lot behind us by next Christmas.

10 Easy Snacks..

..(alternative extension to title: That Won't Require Cooking or Eating Cheez-Its On A Daily Basis [AND Please Stop Being That Mom Who Sends Goldfish To Preschool Every Time You Have The Snack Bucket, kthanks.])

1. Sun Chips OR Wheat Thins

(Yes I could have broken these down into 2 different numbers, but I have an even 10 here.. so sue me).

Don't lie ... you love these things. But for some reason beyond me (this is mostly applicable to the Wheat Thins), parents consider them "diet" food and forget that they are just baked wheat crackers that taste super yummy. Offer these as a just-as-salty, but waaaay healthier version to chips as a side item or a quick snack.
My boys love them.

2. Garden Cheddar Goldfish

Yes, I just complained about Goldfish crackers approximately 20 lines up. Mostly because Conner goes to a preschool where we split the "who brings snack to school" responsibility up, each person taking 1-2 days each month and bringing one snack for all the kids.

BUT IF MY KID COMES HOME ONE MORE DAY AND SAYS "WE HAD GOLDFISH...AGAIN" I AM GOING TO HAVE TO VAGINA PUNT YOU, OK?

Jesus people, kids get bored with that crap.

SO. For those times when you do feed them those golden little fishies, why not have them consume a veggie or two?

Garden Cheddar has 1/3 serving of veggies (peas, carrots, tomatos and sweet potatos) in each serving (lol @ the fact that a "serving" is 56 crackers.. but still).

3. Fruit Cups

Here's the kicker... ONLY buy those that say "packed with natural juices". Otherwise? You are basically serving your kids "fruit" swimming in a 4-6 ounce pool of thick, corn syrup. Ew.

4. Go-Gurts (but frozen)

This is SUCH a huge life saver. Many of you might recall our "little incident" with Dora and her berries on my son's berries.. *cough*. The issue there was a) Chase hated eating yogurt and thus got numerous infections and b) Putting yogurt on areas other than your tongue is nasty to watch.

I digress. I feel like my whole life was saved when I found these (thanks to the boys' Aunt Ann for that). Basically, I freeze them like you would a popsicle, and when they want one... I run it under water for maybe 4 seconds (any longer and they start to get mushy), cut the top, push the "pop" out like a push pop ("wow Amanda, I would have never been able to guess that...") and serve with a paper towel around the bottom.

Conner and Chase go through a box every 5 days or so. They have NO idea they are eating yogurt and as a result, Chase has been infection free since summer. Thank. God.

Noteworthy: Don't look at them. Just eat. :) (Yes, it looks *just* like your dog.) (double vomit)

5. Quaker Oats Rice Cakes in Caramel.Corn


No fat. No cholesterol. Made with real multi-grains. DO I NEED TO KEEP GOING. Oh, and they taste amazing.

6. Iced Oatmeal Cookies 

Ok, we all give our kids cookies (it says on the package that cookies extend your sanity.. true story). Why not throw them a "cookie" that has something healthy in it? Bonus points for those that sneak in raisins or nuts. (Or try dark chocolate).

Recipe courtesy of Moms Who Think for Oatmeal Cookies.

(picture ALSO courtesy of Moms Who Think)

7. Dried Cherries

Not a raisin lover? Me either. Yuck. Neither are Chase or Conner and I don't blame them. As an alternative, might I suggest dried cherries?

or use your dried cherries in... maybe...

8. Trail Mix

(see what I did there? clever.)

Trail mix:
Mini Pretzels
Dried Cherries
Mini Marshmellows
and a FEW Mini M&Ms
Kix or Chex

9. 100% Juice Pops

10. Nutella or Dark Chocolate 

Craving chocolate but you've already drained your supply want to opt for something a smidge more healthy? Try: A) Nutella on toast or saltines or B) Dark Chocolate.

I only recently found Nutella and Conner LOVES it.




..Um. Ew... -->

(A Hazelnut spread w/ cococa.. nuts are healthy, no?)

Oh, Maggie... You're A Winner. And Frogs. Don't Forget About The Frogs.

[but you didn't *win* frogs... you won $25 towards UpperCase Living's beautiful wall expressions..][and I'm praying that something like a blog post or a hard hit on the head from God on a daily basis will remind me to take care of these things][or to remind me to keep the top on because apparently? they like to escape the bowl and DIE ALL OVER THE HOUSE.][how dare they.]
[aghem]

I'm not totally sure why I've never posted the screen shots of my random winners before, but just for "HERE, SEE!"s sakes.. I thought I'd include one this time. I used this method for the bedding winner (Chasity being the winner, the prize still sitting in my dining room... SORRY). For giveaways prior to that, I would write out all the names on paper, cut them up, place them in a bowl and let Conner choose.

But tonight.. we got frogs. ALBINO frogs.[which means I am a) lazy and conner is b) busy with frogs and frog activities][which includes a) talking to frogs b) watching frogs and apparently c) tickling frogs... who knew?]



Mmhm.

SO! MAGGIE... YOU WIN!

Please make sure to give UpperCase Living a few more glances, especially when considering your Christmas list.