Kelly green here

How green are you?
Here in the Zaremba house we've replaced all of our bulbs with energy-efficent ones ... We've also recently started recycling all paper products. I even gathered old cell phones Conner's collected over the years to donate to "cell phones for troops" to have recycled and have a phonecard donated to those serving in Iraq. How much does that rock?
So in spirit of Earth Day, are you doing enough?

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I iphoned my babies

Isn't he adorable in all his high-tech glory? Oh, that's right! We both have iPhones and it is going to make blogging, picture taking and virtual scrapbooking AWESOME!!

Sent from my iPhone

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My life is CHOAS

But that's cool.

Conner's enjoyed playing in the sand in the backyard for the last week now that Michael, my Mountain Brook hubby turned Home Depot junkie, finished the patio extension. Pics to come.

Chase is still super fussy, but enjoys "talking" to me, eating his hands, watching his feet and laying on his playmate. His eyes are changing to the most beautiful shade of dark blue (Conner will be my bright eyed boy), and his hair is strawberry blond and heading full steam towards dirty blond like Con.

Conner's on his bath kick again, meaning he's being bathed about 4 times a day. Good news is that he turns the water off by himself, bathes himself (well... kinda), gets out, dries off and lets me know he's done by shouting "I'm clean, momma!". Then, he brings me a diaper (a "big diaper" he tells me), lays down naked and half-dry on the bed and I change him (if I am nursing Chase, that is) (which is really hard, btw, to diaper a toddler while nursing). (Note: he IS being supervised during all of this. The bathtub is a mere 7 feet from my bed. Conner is just enjoying doing things when they are supposed to be done "by me-self").

We've got a super busy schedule for the next 3 months with untold amounts of driving to Birmingham. It's a love/hate thing seeing as I love BEING in Birmingham, but hate not living there and having to drive 1 1/2hr+ to get to it. Boo. We are going to the beach also in May, and have Lindsey's wedding (that's right people) in June. Let me know if you find a private jet you want to lend to me for free (oh, plus fuel).

I'm really behind on laundry, being plagued by the "yellow death" (pollen), and running on Allegra-D and Pepsi.

Oh, and if you do a drive-by of my house, I promise to get all those Christmas decorations out of our dining room sometime before ... well.. Christmas.

At least he likes them.

I bought Conner some big boy "panties". Yes, I get lip from Michael for calling them that, but I'm a girl... get over it.


They have cars on them. Red and blue in both briefs and boxers, Conner's knew digs are an effort to get him potty-trained before starting Frazer's Pre-K (3's) in August, which requires girls to be "fully trained" and boys to be ... well... working on it.


Needless to say, my little man is super stoked about his undies, and unwrapped them with pure delight, flinging the plastic wrapping across the room and tearing through the package like a wild bore. I tried them on him, in the midst of a diaper change and made sure to explain to him that he could wear them forever (ok, with appropriate changings) if he would go "pee pee in the potty like a big boy".


He was sad to take them off. So sad, in fact, that he gathered up each pair, clinching them with all his might, gathered his juice cup and headed off to his bedroom for nap. Yes, that's right. He slept with his panties in his arms, holding them tightly while drifting off to dream of a land filled with brand new packages of little boy panties all waiting to be opened and cuddled with.

And the award goes to...

Thank you Lydia for this HILARIOUS (yet apparently real) letter.

Please enjoy the following, ladies.


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American Company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for
best web mail-award-winning letter....

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos, on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Eversuffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, that you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the
throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

And THIS is what I make time for?

Chase is half-awake and will soon be begging for some mommy time. Conner just went down for his nap (thank you JESUS!). I've got a million and 1/2 things to do... but I chose to read about a 35-year-old woman who hasn't removed herself from her boyfriend's toilet seat in over 2 years. That's right. Oh, but at least he's been bringing her food and water.
Seriously, I've got issues ... but at least they aren't as big as hers.

Daddy's Other Life

Disclaimer: The following blog is merely a moment from my toddler's take on the world. I am in no way using any of the following terminology in a negative light, as I try not to be judgemental of other's lifestyle. Please take this blog with little "seriousness".


Conner has a LOVE for adjectives... especially in the form of colors. EVERYTHING must be labeled, whether that be a "blue bird" or a "green cup". For the past few months, Conner has made an extra effort to name every vehicle's color while in the car driving on those oh-so-long trips to the Ham.

He also enjoys telling his daddy goodbye most mornings... exclaiming that "Dadda go work in truck". See, momma drives a "white truck" (it's an Equinox, but whatever)... Nonna drives a "white truck" too (ok, so it's really a Nissan Altima car...). His "Jack" (grandad) drives a "red truck" (once again... it's an SUV...). Well, he has never been too sure as to what color Michael's grey/silver Trail Blazer was, so he just never labeled it.

In efforts to expand his little world of colors, backing out of the driveway on the way to a Pediatric Urology appointment at Children's last Tuesday, I told Conner that daddy's grey truck was still here, but that daddy would soon be going to work. Conner's reply: "Daddy go work in GAY truck!"

Now, either Michael's working that other side of the river.... or Conner has a small inability to properly pronounce "r's". The truth: it's the "r" thing... as green is normally "geen". I should have though of that before labeling Mike's "truck"...


Since then, every morning that Conner is up when Michael goes to work, he walks him to the door, kisses him goodbye and tells him "Have good day!" "Go work in gay truck dadda!".

In hindsight, I should have chosen silver.