Because ONE blog named "Stinky Poop" isn't enough

Me (after smelling something foul): "Conner, did you make stinky poop?"
Conner (with a very serious face): "No, Mama!"
Then he pokes me in the chest with one finger and interrogates me with "Mama! Did YOU stinky poop?"

It wasn't me, I swear!

Stinky Poop

A few thoughts and sayings from the life of Conner over the past few days:

Conner, walking into our bedroom is search of his daddy... comes up to the edge of the bed and says "Dadda? No Dadda. Dats Mama... Where's dadda?" And then scurried off to the bathroom to find him.

Upon waking early from his nap today I asked "Conner, what's wrong?" to which he replied "Mama, I pooped!". Well then. So, I took him to our bedroom to change him where he declared to Michael "I stinky pooped"... "No dadda, No mamma, No stinky poop!"

Mike's dad which we've been calling Grandad Z for Conner's entire life came over yesterday and barely made it in the door before Conner approached him and said "Jack! Come on!" So, I guess he's just "Jack" now.

After making a mess in the dining room and telling me "Ewww! Mama, eww!", I wiped up said mess and went on my way. Conner came back later to check on my progress and approve the job. He found the same spot (minus the mess), wiped the floor with his hands and spouted out "Mama, no eww. Clean! Clean! Dats Clean!" Well, I'm just glad I did a good job.

Conner saw a snake on tv and loudly stated "No bite, ssssss, No bite". We aren't reptile lovers in the Zaremba house.

Me: "What sound does a frog make?" Conner: "Reit, reit" Umm... that'll work.

Hope you all had a great Turkey Day!

Update

We've had what I call "new baby drama" around the house for the past 2 weeks which included hospital trips and some bedrest... woohoo. Now, at 34 1/2 weeks pregnant the doctor has told me that he will no longer attempt to stop my labor. Which is actually great news to me. He also says that my body is obviously getting ready, I'm dialated and contracting daily for a few hours. With that in mind, we are homebound for Turkey Day in fear that I could go into active labor at any moment. I'm super exhausted and soooooooo ready for this pregnancy to be over with so I can have my body and sleep back (wishful thinking on the later half).

There are a ton of details I could share, but honestly with telling my entire family I'm a little pooped on the topic. So, just know that Dr. Griggs' best guess for baby's arrival is sometime between the 28th and the 7th of December (that being the end of 36 weeks and the beginning of my 37th week). I was induced with Conner at 37 weeks and 1 day... and by induced I mean I came to the hospital for my planned induction with frequent contractions and being 2 cm dilated... so I was really just "helped" not "induced" (although they did use cytotek). If we don't go naturally by the middle of my 37th week, we will go in for an induction as we've been told there will be no babies delivered by me any bigger than 6 lbs. Yay! I can't wait to get the baby home and settled in before Christmas comes.

On that note, I must mention that I am crazy - my Christmas tree is up and frequently plugged in (for Conner's enjoyment). It's been that way for over a week now too. It might seem psycho to passers-by, but they don't understand how much I did NOT look forward to assembling said tree on the more traditional "Day After Thanksgiving" being that it's very likely I'll be contracting, in pain and expecting to give birth. It's actually really nice having it up. We are going to decorate as a family tonight and play holiday music... how cheesy! Conner, as mentioned before, is in love with it... which makes the new baby gate that spans the entire 146" doorway leading into the dining room a blessing. I'm so excited for Christmas!!!

A Posting Extravaganza!

Hey.. Kool-Aid
At Publix, with shoppping list in hand, Conner and I drudged through the aisles... praying that nothing too expensive or tempting would leap out at us. I needed to get apple juice and kool-aid, so we ventured down that aisle... picked up said items and placed them in the back of the buggy where my 2-yr-old now camps out during grocery trips (man I miss the days when he sat in the correct part of the buggy).
Conner picked up the kool-aid packets and immediately started gabbing away. Then, I listened more attentively, as Conner exclaimed "Dats Mama"... "DATS MAMA!". Wait, what did he just say? I look down to find Conner pointing excitedly at the Kool-Aid man and yelling "That's Mama". Oh dear. I ask him to stop and please put the kool-aid down before everyone realizes my son apparently believes I am as fat as the Kool-Aid man. But no, he insists.. and then proceeds to tell me "Dats Mama... See baby!"
WHAT?!?
I went from half-believing he could actually be referring to me to utter shock and disbelief. To Conner, obviously the Kool-Aid man and I are similar in build... and apparently, he is also pregnant ... with little kool-aid singles, of course.

There's Something About Conner
More fun Conner stories... as today I discovered my non-napping child with a tube of lotion (trial size) in his bed shortly after I put him down. But not just ANY lotion, I might add... but something called Aquaphor Healing Ointment (by Eucerin... for advanced healing of dry, cracked and irritated skin). The main ingredient: Petroleum. You see, it wasn't the lotion I noticed first though... but this:



















With it being oil-based, it's practically impossible to get out so, I've come up with a list of alternative uses for your enjoyment:
1. If I ever need to fit through a crack half my size, I'll lube myself up in this first.
2. A full body coating of this stuff next time you need to go outside in the rain and have forgotten the umbrella.
3. Mohawk time and Aqua-Net just isn't cutting it.
4. Slip-n-Slide and all out of soap? Guaranteed success.
5. Don't they have vaseline wrestling at bars?

Conner is now down for his nap with a mohawk. I'm pretty sure I can stop typing about this... as the pictures do it much justice.


Because I Like Talking About My Offspring
Conner... stole... my dress. Oh, his daddy would be proud.

Some Cravings Just Aren't Worth It.

This past weekend Michael, Conner and I played host to a wonderful Bama game with our friend James (sans his wife, Laura). James is a connoisseur of all things yummy and strange, usually stuff that only I can appreciate - like wing sauce on fries and sour kraut w/ brauts. Too good. Well, James brought with him some delicious Johnsonville Smoked Brauts and we grilled. I, being the emptier of the frig, decided to also cook 2 hotdogs, leaving 2 in the package for later. We grilled them and I enjoyed both the brauts and the dogs... only to realize that the hot dogs were delicious but nearing their shelf life.

So last night, I decided to take advantage of our "no food in the house" status, and cook off the last 2 hot dogs while Michael and Conner made sandwiches (I was going to share, promise!). I am the cook and the grill person in the house, although Michael does enjoy grilling too. So, I went outside to start the grill.

It had been rainy all day and thus the starter (ignitor) was a little wet. I didn't realize that at the time though, and turned on the gas. I pressed the ignitor button once... then twice... leaned down and turned up the gas to max and pressed it again - no flame. So, I waddled inside to find the lighter.

I must have been gone 20 seconds, I always keep the lighter in the first drawer of the bar. I walked back outside, lighter in hand, determined to eat my hot dogs and fearing that the gas was finally out (it has been trying for a few weeks now). So, I flicked the flame once, no spark, then again ....


BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!

A ball of flames comes barreling out of the grill, up my arm, then my chest, my face and above my head. I hear Conner yell "wooww!". I panicked. My right hand was on fire for a few seconds and then lingered with the smell of burnt flesh and hair. I immediately checked my face as I ran inside. Michael had missed the whole thing - Conner was still thinking that mommy was the coolest.

I met Michael in the living room and I couldn't get anything out of my mouth. It scared the crap out of me, and I was just concerned with getting my burning arm in some cool water and searching for the lidocaine. In the bathroom, I checked my eyebrows and eyelashes which were scorched but present. I lost a good amount of baby hair around my hairline. My right arm is totally hairless and red. My hand is burnt, all 5 fingers and knuckles were killing me all night with some blistering and lots of redness.

I still ended up getting my hot dogs grilled though... but they weren't worth me nearly loosing my arm (or my hair for that matter!). The lesson learned is this - either turn off the gas when searching for the lighter... or just get Michael to do the grilling!

Up a creek

I assumed when Conner started potty training I would still be pregnant and not based on other's banter about the subject, but mostly based on the sheer timing of it all. Conner will be 2 1/2 in December, the same month I'm due, and that's a good age for boys to start doing the deed as the deed should be done.

So, when Conner started stripping last week, more than normal I might add, I figured he was getting ready to start making some progress in the land of potty. I was right, as after two full days of trying with all my might to keep my son in his diaper, Conner decided to actually sit on the potty and pee. I made a HUGE deal out of it, called Michael who in turn brought home some pull-ups. My thought was that Conner obviously hated wearing the diaper now, especially once he wet it, so the pull-ups would assist us in both keeping my child from exposing himself AND teach him more about when it is he needs to go.

Pfft... the heck with my thought process... Conner thought the pull-ups were pretty cool, seeing as they had cars on them. He walked around the house for nearly an hour pointing to his undies and saying "see... truck!". I was tickled pink. But, when it came down to actually going, we hit a road block.

He would sit on the potty, but not go. Then, when he had to go, he started freaking out. He wanted in the tub, desperately. Finally, after fighting him and not wanting to make this a traumatic moment, we let him get in the tub and go. Since then, he has gone in the tub about 5 times and the shower once. My thoughts are that maybe he's just learning what it feels like when he needs to go... I hope...

Then, Saturday rolled around and my little naked baby roamed the house, once again fighting any sight of a diaper. For the few times we could keep him clothed, he was fine but the second he thought he had to pee all items had to be removed. We tried belts, zippers, tape.. you name it! Nothing could keep my tiny dancer in his duds.

Nap time slowly approached, and I thought nothing of it. We went through our routine and managed to stay with-diaper. He lied down and I left to take a nap myself. About an hour in, our bedroom door is flung open and there stands Conner-in-the-nude. Great. "Ewww... Momma!" Well, ewww is his word for a bug... he is almost cat-like in his ability to find them and have Michael or I destroy the intruders. But this time was different. He led me by the hand into his room and pointed at his bed, in which was a gigantic pile of POOP and covered in PEE!!!

Wonderful. I freaked. Conner was a mix of excited about his accomplishment and terrified that he had done something wrong. I cleaned up the mess and he missed his nap.

Sunday started and ended the same way, with a pee and poop session in his bed during nap time. Lots of naked baby and no peeing in the potty.

Then, yesterday... we had a repeat... only this time he went in the corner of his room.

I'm at a loss of what to do. I'm afraid to take him out in public for fear that he will strip ... which almost happened at the grocery store today. I want him potty trained, but I don't want to push him. I don't want him peeing in the tub, but I also want him to learn what it is like to go without the diaper on AND in a controlled environment. I'm confused!!! HELP!

Things I Love.

The Lord has blessed us all with some BEAUTIFUL weather today. I am especially grateful seeing as I am carrying around an extra 25 lbs. I think Fall is my new favorite season.... and today I am celebrating it with a Pumpkin Spice Latte (and no, it's not decaf) as well as a few other things such as:

1. Harvest Spice Yankee Candle - Yummy! It's a cider-pumpkin smell that's divine (other notables I purchased - Cranberry Chutney, Spiced Pumpkin, Christmas Cookie and Harvest)... but to make it more fragrant I am burning it as a tart in my new....

2. Wax Melting Pot - From Linens-N-Things compliments of my grandmother. It nearly triples the smell-good factor of a normal candle by making the whole house smell scrumptious within 40 minutes. I'm hooked.

3. Conner's Love For Leaves on the Ground - So I know that they are few and far between at this point, but our neighbors across the street have a magnolia tree that is shedding its leaves, and Conner finds great joy in collecting them and giving them to me as gifts. He calls them flowers and likes to put them to his nose and smell.. very cute. Recently, we kept a few and used them as stencils under paper and rubbed the tops with crayons as an art project. I think I enjoyed it more than he did though.

I'm sure there are a lot of other things I could list, but I'd rather go play trains with the little man :).