7 Quick Takes: Yeah.

--1--
I went FIVE WHOLE DAYS without blogging. I'd like to say that I did this as some sort of penance or for Lent, but sadly, no. I just ended up being spontaneous and going on aforementioned trip to the beach and SURPRISE - No Internet connection.

--2--
GO figure, as I am there without Teh Internets, I come up with two blogs.

Normally, my best ideas come when I'm A) in the shower or B) drifting off to sleep. Both are problematic. I've dealt with 'A' by having bathtub crayons on hand OR doing the "repeat sentence, repeat sentence, repeat sentence" followed by a naked mad-dash to the nearest writing utensil and something I can write on.

I deal with 'B' by either A) huffing at myself and climbing out of mid-sleep position, firing up the laptop and spitting out a blog, B) putting cliff's notes on my iphone, or C) dragging myself to the kitchen island and writing some of it down.

Unless I opt for 'A' and get out my laptop, the post is NEVER as good as it was in my head.

However, I did a LOT of driving on this trip and had two pretty darn good blog post ideas come up while in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, I know what you are thinking - "Amanda, why didn't you just rattle it off to your Little Person Stenographer". Well, space was tight, dears, and I couldn't bring him along. So, I had to hold the steering wheel, not touch my phone (because that's DANGEROUS people), and just keep repeating the TOPIC. All those lost sentences... *sigh*.

When/Where do YOUR best ideas come?

--3--

My 'b' key is still missing.

Conner finally fessed up.

It took almost a month.

Completely random, he walks up to me and says "I am really sowwy about breaking da 'B' on your 'puter"

Yeah. Thanks.

--4--

ALSO, my battery isn't holding a charge. I have to contort my hand to manipulate the cord for my laptop to charge. It blows. So, since the computer is only 6 months old, and I've had this issue for several months now, I've finally decided to contact HP.

Sadly, I think I decided "too late" because now, every 10 minutes or so I have to stop what I am doing and "hold it's hand".

I did this WHILE typing my customer service complaint. There's irony for you. Wait...is that ironic and just crappy?

Also, I have implemented one-handed typing.

Without the letter 'b' key.

It's as awesome as it sounds.

--5--

I am having a FABULOUS, like FOR REALS FABULOUS giveaway courtesy of Bed, Bath & Beyond starting Monday. Please come back for details because you really, really (REALLY) don't want to miss out.

Swomise.

--6--

I am brown, yet I feel sun burnt. How odd is that?

Oh, but my face is coming off.

I'm either a snake or I'm peeling.

Could be both, so.... STAY TUNED. Should be fascinating stuff.

--7--

After having my Charlie and my pug for 3.5 years (well, Charlie longer), I have made a ground breaking discovery.

My long-haired dog that I keep obsessively bathing, brushing and shaving? Yeah... he's not the one leaving all the hair on my floors.

It's that little evil pug! Ugh. HOW? He looks practically hairless!

Wait, maybe he's hairless because he keeps his doggy coat ON MY FREAKING FLOORS.

Pug. Free to a "good" home. (That's a joke. unfortunately, Charlie wouldn't know how to live without him..)

For more awesomesauce Quick Takes, Visit Here.

Checks In the Mail

It was like "Where's Waldo" around Teh Internets for 3 days. You guys went nuts. Ge'ez. I am so GIDDY you guys went SO NUTS. You must heart me.

Obviously, you all noticed I went radio silence from Sunday through today. Yeah...uh... sorry about that.

Out of nowhere, my favorite family (other than mine) invited me on their family trip to Ft. Walton/Eglin AFB/Staci Wishes It Were Destin, FL. I am NOT an impromptu kinda gal, but as it turned out, Michael was going to be gone for business/family obligations and I accepted the offer and packed the 3 of us and cleaned the house in about 6 hours.

I would lurve lurve to tell you all about everything we did, but I'm super busy, super tired and just plain WORKING ON IT.

I learned a few very important lesson's in the process, and also managed to remind myself of a few important one's I'd forgotten... Here goes!

• As much as I complain about living in the middle of nowhere, I do NOT live in the middle of nowhere. These people live in the middle of nowhere:
  
  
• Trying to run a blog without wifi is like trying to run a restaurant without a kitchen.
• No Internet access for more than a day is EXACTLY LIKE HELL. Except in Hell, the lack of Internet will also be accompanied by the smell of sulfur and 24-hour/7-days a week Michael Jackson news coverage. Oh, and MJ himself.
  
  
• Being a single parent must so suck (to a degree) (not that I didn't have ARM FULLS OF HELP while at the beach - I just single parented in the car and while packing and a few additional times).
• I missed Michael. I hate him travelling. Going to the beach without him made me cry. Thankfully, my friends were very supportive (and I heart their faces).
• I have a new respect for parents of children with ADHD. THIS IS ME LOOKING AT YOU CONNER!
  
  
• I will never have 5 kids.
• Pictures of 5 kids in birth order couldn't get cuter than this if you tried. So don't.
  
  
  
  
• No matter how hard you try, sand will get into your PB&J.
• Children do not nap on beaches.
  
  
  
  
• SPF is important.
• Noxzema makes your hands burn.
• Sunburn on your bestie makes for a bed full of heat.
  
  
• The Slap Chop guy ("you'll love my nuts") and the Sham Wow douche ("follow me camera guy") (oh, and both the same guy...) have nothing on Nick selling the HerStyler Flat Iron in a Eglin AFB Mall.
  
  
  
• Staci has the corner on haggling salesmen using biblical references.
• I have her wing man position with well-placed sarcasm.
  
  
  
• The death of a friend will never be fully understood. The pain becomes less obvious, but never lessens in its intensity. Watching someone you love learn about that loss is also equally as painful. (Post to come)
• How God works in certain peoples' lives is simply astonishing. (Post to come)
• I never knew how much freedom in "daily life" our military and their families give up to fight for and maintain OUR freedom. Really. It's mind blowing and POST TO COME. Good stuff.

7 Quick Takes: Some of This Is So Last Week...

--1--

Conner decided to show off his Badge of DisHonor at Summer School/VBS today - it apparently didn't go well. This is what he told me when we got home:

Conner: "I told them at school that I got shot and they said 'No, you just got a boo boo' and I say 'No! I got SHOT!' and I showed them and they said 'No, it's a boo boo' "

Sorry kid, your thug ways just don't compute with your peers. (Mommy picked the right preschool...)

--2--

While getting Dairy Queen because the toaster oven broke and lunch just DUH! can't be made without a toaster oven driving home after picking up Conner from VBS, I took this picture of his newly acquired and most prized possession:

Walking to the car only moments earlier, He tells me "I finally finally finally got a necklace like you and dadda!"

Yes, we deprive him of jewelry. How dare we? (I also lost Mom Points for not thinking of having an arts and crafts project to make him a cross necklace... I knew he wanted one and we are always telling him that either a) he gets dadda's when he gets a little older [mike loves sitting him in his lap and telling him about the cross and why he wears it, adorable!] or b) he gets his own just like dadda's when he gets a little older.)

--3--

We enjoyed McWayne Center last week with my mom in Birmingham. Here's a few favs.

That's one big dino turtle...

Conner "digging" for "dino bones". I just LOVED this stuff he is digging in - it was post-consumer recycled rubber pieces. It would be 3 trillion times easier to clean up than sand (especially once that sand manages to hop, skip and leap out of the sandbox and into my house, grrrr). Anyone know what this stuff is called or where I can find it?

Chase barely had time for pictures...

More proof that Conner needs/wants/I want for him a play kitchen... le sigh.

--4--

You guys remember that post I did a few weeks back called College Dorm Shopping Heaven?

Well, if you aren't feeling "clicky" today or don't remember which post I'm talking about (shame), it's all about all the things I wish I would have had for college when I was a Freshman and dorm-bound.

The wonderful people with Bed, Bath and Beyond are hooking one lucky reader up with some MAJOR swag - a full 11-piece bedding set for a college-bound ...umm... college-r (oh, I'm talented).

Should be this next week! Going to be SOO worth it if you, your bestie, sister or someone you know and want to totally spoil is hitting the dorms this year!

--5--

Chase is On. The. Move. these days - so, it's very very (very) hard to get a picture of him without it looking like an empty room full of wind. Here are just a few examples I tried to capture just so you know he still exists:

Zoolander?

Muscle Man.

Um. Chase in true form.

Yeah... that's not what I meant by "smile"...

--6--

I caved to my neighbor agreed to take a Gravity class at the Y with my neighbor. I will not lie, it totally kicked my butt. And my arms. And my abs. And... EVERYTHING. It's this crazy machine that looks so incredibly intimidating, but the instructor was super Zen (no, really... I'm pretty sure her middle name is Sunflower or Zodiac or something...) and calmly talked me through it.

I think she might have also managed to hypnotize me with her Zen ways into wanting to plant a chemical-free herb garden, save the rain forest and adopt a puppy (wait, I wouldn't mind doing any of those things.... digression).... She's that good...

If you want to know more about resistance training, or Gravity training (using your own body weight on a machine), visit this helpful site.

It explains the how resistance training works and explains why my entire body got a workout without really feeling strained (while DOING it, that is...).

--7--

Tator Tot Casserole

Seriously people, 3 ingredients, 2 very happy children, 1 pan. NO ONE CAN COMPLAIN! PS - You could totally sneak in a veggie, say some minced onion or bell peppers.... chop finely for those picky eaters (I'm looking at you, Conner).

(Also, it says you can either use cream of chicken or cream of mushroom - I used cream of mushroom and then sprinkled a little cheddar cheese on top - total yummers)

More Quick Takes? Go HERE!

And The Point In This Post Is?

Today just flew by, which, I am so totally not complaining about.

We woke at our usual Summer Awakening Time of 8 AM.

Oh yes, I said EIGHT.

It's fabulous.

I have never been, and never will be, a morning person. In college, I finally lucked up enough to get my bestie, Mary, to be my roomie at BAMA and she is also not a morning person. So, we'd wake, stumble into each other in the hall, grunt or "meow" at each other (it's our inside joke. Ok, it's not a joke, just something weird we do. I'm weird... in case you managed NOT to notice...).

Obviously, I was a little ticked off about leaving my bestie to move in with my hubby when I discovered he was so a morning person (yup, they exist), in that, he wakes up and wants to immediately begin full-on WITH COMPLETE SENTENCES AND PARAGRAPHS AND ACTUAL CONTENT conversations. Whoa kid. My brain doesn't compute ANYTHING other than one-word phrases before 8:30 - so back. up. off.

Anyweiners.

Today, we had Conner and Chase's 4-year and 18-month check-ups, respectively. I, being the absolute genius of everything that I am (stop the laughing), scheduled them for the Best Time Ever that I am, again, not sharing. Sorry.

We didn't wait long, and I even managed to remember to bring Conner and Chase (if I'd of stopped the sentence there, you'd laugh - go ahead... re-read it) a snack and a semi-MEAL in case they went That Direction (you just never know when kids will do that).

And... since no one likes a "my kids are this tall and this big and this awesome" post, I'll just blurt out the facts:

Conner is small - estimated height: 5 FREAKING 7. Yup, Magic Foundation... do you do freebies?

Chase is NOT small - with ALL the problems Chase has managed to conjure up medically, he still manages to blow my little mind with the fact that, as of now, he is 50-50-50 (height, weight AND HEAD CIRCUMFERENCE). I know. Really. No lie. His head is NORMAL. Sheesh kid.

The children then received shots. Conner went first. I told him he was getting it because he wouldn't sit still or use his inside voice during the duration of his and Chase's check-ups. It's ok. I'm his mother. I have the right to scar him for life.

Chase also received shots, but he's not a cry-er. Well, then again... the only reason Conner cried is because I told him he was getting them as punishment... and he normally doesn't cry... so... you know... MOVING ON.

Then by the time we did some other stuff, it was nap time - Praise Jesus. So, I came home, scrubbed the boys to Bio-Hazard Level 4 (no swine flu here - GOT THAT?) and put Chase in his Happy Place/Crib.

Conner did his new routine of "I'm so totally not napping because you gave me magic medicine that made my 3.5 hour nap disappear and yes, I'm eating better and breathing better and not getting sick like I was, but now my mom has a child that doesn't nap and no time to herself so, she's kinda considering letting me just deal with the Asthma without the meds because no-nap is JUST NOT FAIR, according to her...".... Wait... That's a lie. Well, the part about taking away his meds is a lie - but the rest? NOT FAIR.

Yeah. So.

Um.

Then, post-nap... we had cereal for dinner. I'm an awesome mom.

And Mike did work stuff... you know... so we can buy more cereal...

And I went to pick up Chase's Rx for another rash.

And then Conner fell asleep in the car because HE NO LONGER NAPS. (I'm sorry, but my brains really might explode over that one...)

Oh, and then Mike came home and is now outside with both offspring searching for crickets. (May they rest in peace or pieces)

This concludes Amanda's Blah Blah Blah. Feel free to stop skimming for important stuff.... now.

Dear...

Dear El Nino,

I know you get a bad rap (wrap vs. rap) on the West Coast, but that's their problem. I'd like to personally thank you for bringing Canadian air deep in the heart of the South, where my happy little butt can now make it to the mailbox without crack sweat. I mean, seriously, thanks.

Also, I'm a big fan of the rain we don't normally see in July.

My only complaint isn't really a complaint at all: I'm just a weather dork (yes, I'm about 15 flavors of dork), and a birdie/meteorologist told me that your wind shear will break up hurricane activity in the Gulf. Hrmph. I'll still enjoy tracking them here. (Yup, BIG RED, FLASHING DORK SIGN)

Muchos Thank-os (yup, that's Spanish)

(Wait, Gracias is "thanks"... so..)

Gracias,

The Mom Job

-----

Dear Conner,

Pants kid, PANTS. Lord love a duck, I'm REALLY TIRED OF SEEING YOUR JUNK. Put on the PANTS.

With Pants,

Mommy

-----

Dear Margarita Glass,

I'm sorry I haven't used you in so long. I really do have a good excuse. It's not you, it's me. Swomise.

Although the medicine helps with the esophageal spasms, it can't handle Mr. Cuervo and his little buddies yet. And vodka-only margaritas are just so Freshman Year at a crappy bar "of legal drinking age" years at crappy bars.

However, knocking me over my head while I fetched a cup for Conner's orange juice this morning was a bit extreme. I mean, yes, it has been that long, but you didn't have to go to such extremes. Are you like that girl who stalks a guy after he makes out with you ONCE and then doesn't remember your name? Because no one likes that girl. Trust me.

I'll get around to using you later. Well, not you now... you are broken and in the trash. But, I'll use your friends.

And then, I might not call them the next day. Wait...

There's a life's lesson in there for some of you who choose to read between the lines.

My Deepest Sympathy's To Your Mexican Familia,

Very Sober Amanda

-----

Dear Body,

Your little game last week? Not cool dude. Well, girl. But for reals - NOT COOL. You do that again and you go on eBay. Trust me, I know all about putting uteruses (uteri??, eh?) and ovaries and thyroids on Teh Internets. Don't try me.

Just NOT. COOL.

Me (us?)

-----

Dear Congress and Senate,

That's just one GIGANTIC mistake. Don't go there.

Regards,

The Tax Payer ('s wife)

Circle, Circle - Dot, Dot....

Just in the last 3 days, I've experienced a new level of boyhood. I'd like to report that I do not accept this particular stage and would much prefer to skip it.

In this stage, dialogue goes a lot like this:

Conner in a sing-songy voice: "My pennnnniiissss is a weaaapoooonn......" In this never-to-be-released Broadway-esque performance, my just-plain-nasty (at the moment...) 4-year-old sings those lovely lyrics with appropriately placed pelvic thrusts.

Next...

Conner comes to me with two large cups, one over each hand. He takes his official Power Rangers stance (legs spread, knees slightly bent, one arm out, one arm guarding his chest...), and shouts out "THESE ARE MY BOOBIE GUNS!"

My response (after laughter): "And what do they do?" (Stupid me for asking....)

Conner: "THEY SHOOT MILK!!!" "ARGGGG"

That's the only known side-effect of breastfeeding I've come up with to date.

Oh, and then there's this:

Last night, Conner gets out of the bathtub and runs full-force at the bed. After shedding his towel/cape, he jumps on the bed, throws his butt in the air, aims it towards Michael and proclaims "BEWARE! THIS IS MY BUTT CANNON! I WILL GET YOU WITH MY STINKY POOTS!"

People, this is just gross.

The Cement Roof

The sound of rotor blades humming in a thunderous roar…

A standard length stretcher is carefully, yet swiftly, pulled from the helicopter with flight nurses ducking their heads and holding the hair out of their faces from the fierce winds forced downward and swirling around.

Ten stories high on the rooftop - the cement landing pad is blood red.

On top of that stretcher, guarded by Him, kept safe by people I'll never thank or get the honor to meet, is a small plastic box.

In that clear container, lay my day old son - hooked to an incubator, fighting for his life.

I am still 2 hours away and fighting to get to him.

On that building, ten stories high, on that red cement, with chopper blades slicing the frigid December winds sat my son....

Until last night, I'd never been able to picture this part of Chase's story, but while getting driving directions using a satellite map for a trip to Birmingham, a bright red square with a bold white cross caught my eye.

Overwhelmed with emotion, that now small tear in my heart burned for a minute and I cried. The cross sparked a memory of the same cross I wear around my neck. I clasp my hands tightly, pulled them close to my wet, salty face and prayed. I thanked Him for the boys - for Chase's treatments, doctors, nurses and loving support and for the reminder of how much I have to be thankful for.

I remembered that cold December morning on the roof top, 10 stories high, that I never got to see.