The Best Excuse Ever To Use That Emergency Broadcast System Thing That Always Interrupts My Precious TV Time

I have been combing the shelves at my local Publix for Conner's daily breakfast ritual items, Eggo minis, for over 2 weeks now. Disappointed that I could not offer my 4-year-old his most precious eggo fix, I only recently (as in 2 days ago) offered a "temporary" (or so I thought) replacement - Publix brand french toast sticks.

It was this afternoon I received a text message from my mom (hi mom):
"Just wondering what you are doing with an eggo shortage..."

... and I was all "um wtf?"

So I replied with something similar to the above and then proceeded to google "eggo shortage".
Dudes.
I found this (titled "Eggo Waffle Shortage Shakes The Nation") (INDEED IT DOES) and this and then about 531 others.
In one article is states that one plant has been SHUT DOWN INDEFIENTLY DUE TO REPAIRS. because that makes sense. Umno. So I wikipedia'd that.
Guys they are not kidding.


A cautionary text conversation:
Me: OMG. There is ACTUALLY an eggo shortage. No wonder I couldn't find Conner's waffles!
Michael: Why!
Me: Google eggo shortage
Michael: Sorry, that just sounds crazy.
Michael: Indefinitely due to repairs?
Me: I. KNOW.

It is not crazy. It is absolute bat crap insane. No quick-fix breakfast treats? Do they expect me to start making them from scratch!?! Maybe I'll just sell my house, buy some farm land, and start raising my own chickens WHILE I AM AT IT.

Stay calm people, production of these tasty frozen breakfast savers (and savers of my WHOLE FREAKING LIFE) will be back to normal in..... wait.... omg... does that say? No. Surely... *rereads*... O Sweet Baby Jesus - in. the.summer.of. 20-freaking-10.

Yeah.

Wait. Let's all calm down. I just checked my freezer and I have exactly 14 Eggo Waffles in Homestyle (non-mini and therefor of no value to ConnerWhoIsSoPickyHeEvenHasSIZERequirementsForHisFood). I start the bidding at 21984798352059130487598230ur98 23750923478124809235 dollars.

Thanksgiving Suggestions I Don't Suggest Passing Up. Hint, Hint

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and if your 4-year-old is anything like my 4-year-old, they are talking approximately 6.784 million words per minute about the impending holidays.

Conner, in particular, wants to know everything he can about Indians or pilgrims or turkey or more Indians. Can’t blame him either, I dream of Thanksgiving and all it’s delicious accompaniments from basically the first good cold breeze.

But being a young mom and new to the whole family traditions process is a difficult transition. Which is why we tech-savvy individuals should take advantage of all that Moms Who Think have to offer.

I’ve personally combed their resources for a few heavy-hitting Turkey Day helpers, and here are a few of my favorites. (Thank me now, or later... I sure love cashmere) (and money)

First up, Thanksgiving activities. Let’s face it - it’s darn right chilly outside (if we aren’t going through some freak 80+ “heat wave”… *aghem* I’m looking at you, last week…). Nothing says “indoor Crazy Feast” like cooped up kiddos. So I suggest this time-consuming activity to breath some sanity into your life, keep those children busy AND personalize your Thanksgiving dinner.

Thanksgiving Place Mats instructions.

Place mats! It’s really a great idea. First, and most importantly, it’s a wonderful conversation piece that the grandparents will swoon over. You rack up Mom Of The Year points, and have an adorable souvenir for years to come.

I’d recommend laminating them (try your local library or hit up a teacher friend).

Of course, there’s also the Preschool Favorite hand print turkey. Maybe you could do hand turkeys on each place mat !

Also, I’d suggest using thicker stock paper, such as scrapbook paper. It’s thick enough to handle multiple Handprint Turkeys on the finished woven creation from your little Pilgrims. If you plan on putting hand print turkeys on the woven mats, I'd also suggest "backing" your mats with a solid piece of paper. Once completed, glue the woven mat to the solid piece, concentrating on the edges. This will preserve the structure. Look at me... I sound all crafty....

Next up, a few of my personal favorite recipes. Moms Who Thinks have a plethora of helpful recipes.

I’m no stranger to the traditional holiday dessert, Pecan Pie.

My mom’s is the world’s best and this recipe is oddly familiar to it. (I’m looking at you, mom)

Are you responsible for the dressing? I’d suggest this one: Old Fashioned Bread Stuffing.
It incorporates all of the classic ingredients that are sure to please your picky mother-in-law.

Of course, letting the kids help out can be a hassle, but they are more likely to eat that cornbread if they helped make it. This is a fabulous idea from Moms Who Think that encourages you to let the wee hands help out. I know Conner would enjoy being my helper. (Helpful suggestion: Instead of using all white bread, mix white bread and cornbread, using the cornbread the kids helped you bake for the stuffing.)

Instead of scouring the internet for other helpful Thanksgiving recipes, just check out the MomsWhoThink recipe section.

* Edible photos courtesy of MomsWhoThink
**Please see my Full Disclosure. MomsWhoThink.com provided a small monetary compensation for this post.  I only take paids gigs for sites or products I endorse. That means I both enjoy MomsWhoThink AND was paid to talk about it. It’s a win-win.

Confessions Of A Santa Clause

Dear Conner,

Your mother and father just failed hardcore.

We decided that on a late Sunday evening, we'd haul you and your brother to the "Red Ball Store" sometimes known to you as "Target" (but mostly the former). Honestly? We only came for diapers, the fruit snacks you and Chase prefer, milk and apparently... Fall Out 3 (ask your father about that one).

But we failed you, or more so... Christmas... and Santa. See... it is Christmas time. Ok. Really it's about 3 weeks prior to Thanksgiving, but kid.. times are tough and that means stores are ramming Christmas down our throats 2 months early because we, as Americans, feel the urge to SPEND LIKE MANIACS. I digress.

Our first major failure was even steering towards the toy section. However, Fall Out 3 is located in the game area and that is right smack next to the toy section. And since it was on our NEED list *aghem*, we had to go that direction.

I found 2 games for your Leapster HALF! OFF! One was a Dinosaur counting game and the other the Star Wars reading game you've been requesting from St. Nick.

You didn't see it, but I put them in the cart. We finished our shopping and checked out without you noticing the presents.

Then we got to the car. Out of the bag fell BOTH games. You were thrilled.

In panic mode, we shoved them back into the bags and you kept rambling about them. So, once buckeled into the car, I ripped the cartridge out of the packaging.

Your dad and I started the cover-up.

"Conner, Santa has a small sleigh and it can fly, so it needs to lightweight. Santa told us to go get the package and he'd bring the game to make room for more toys for you, Chase and other boys and girls. Does that make sense?"

That might sound familiar. You bought it, but insisted "I am going to look inside when we get home."

And you did. And you found nothing but an empty package.

So we are sorry for screwing up and for lying about it. We aren't very good at this whole 'Santa Thing' yet.

Lots of Love,
Mom and Dad

Ska-na-na-namilaz a #ChristmasFail

No.

Just no.

He Deserves A Bragging Post

You might have noticed I've toned down my frequency of Conner-related tales...but that is mostly because it is apparently easier to blog about his "OMG NO HE DID'T" moments. And with that said, he has done close to a 180 with his attitude and acting out-ness. I'd call it a '130' -- room for improvement.

A few weeks ago, Conner's class had their annual Halloween party during which they recited Ephesians 4:32 (which was adorable on a whole other level) and it goes:

"Be kind to one another"

I have the video, but won't upload it because I didn't exactly walk around and get permission from every single parent -- half of which would look at me like "and what is a blog?".

(the rest of which would be all "ZOMG! U w4nT 2 pUt m4h ch1ld 0n d4h 1nt3rn3t!?!?!" seriously people? calm the eff down.)

And somehow... he really appears to understand that "being kind" gets him farther than acting out. Yes, he still has his moments and "bad days", but he is male and 4.5... so that's expected. But most of those "moments" are overshadowed by gems like:

"Momma, I love you... and I love Chasey..." -- On the way to school this morning.
"Momma, you are the BEST baker" -- While we made Halloween cupcakes.
"I hope you have the sweet dreams" -- almost every single night before we go to sleep, which is followed by
  "I hope my dreams come true"...

He is not only expressing kindness with words, but in his actions:

Yesterday, I asked him to take the laundry out of the washing machine and put it in the dryer. Without hesitation, he walked into the laundry room, opened the washer, moved over the clothes, and asked "How do I start it?". From the kitchen, I told him which buttons to press and within seconds I heard the dryer start.

When went to McDonald's ("Ole McDonald's") yesterday with his "Nonna". Conner played well, helped Chase the entire time through the play area, and (shocker) ATE HIS FOOD. I know, right?

He says "please" and "thank you" without prompt.

He HAS to open the door for you.

He really does love Chase and enjoys playing with him.


Yes, blogging was more "fun" when I could tell you about him dumping almost a gallon of syrup out across 4 rooms in my house, or how he RULED the Time Out, or how A.D.D. he gets during homework, or how many times he has tortured our dogs (etc).... but these days, his Outbursts Of Hell are fewer and farther between. He has developed more of a passive agressive attitude for his "sassy" moments. For example:

In the car a few weeks ago, after picking up Conner from school, Chase was babbleing (a LOT) when Conner looks over at him and states in a More Likely Annoyed tone "FINE... just BE crazy...WHATEVER"

And then, two nights ago, Conner walked in the bedroom and exclaimed (in a almost-polite voice) "can you please turn on the freaking tv, so i can play my freaking game in the freaking living room!?!" Can't lie. It was hilarious.
Noteworthy: They say 'freaking' on a Wonder Pets episode. Yup. Trust me. I rewound 3 times just to check.

Conner living in the Land Of Passive Agressiva is a trillion times better than an all out fit on the floor.

"So, Amanda... it sounds like things are easier on you these days because your Child That Acts Out is Not Acting Out, eh?"

HAHAHAHAHA.
No.

Let me tell you about Chase...

Because Following Around Plastic Surgeons Is SO In.

I was SUPPOSED to blog today, but I spent my morning stalking the best Birmingham plastic surgeon, Dr. Hedden, on Twitter.

And it paid off -- because I won a MAKEOVER!

Woot.

Follow Dr. Hedden (@Hedden). They give away facials, manicures, pedicures, waxings, etc. a couple of times a week! As the cherry to that amazing cake (or peppermint chocolate chip milkshake from Chick-fil-A) (you choose), they have a giveaway going on where they hook one super lucky follower up with an AMAZING package when they reach milestone in followers. For example, I won:

• Manicure
• Pedicure
• Waxing
• Hydrating facial
• TITAN skin resurfacing

All because @Hedden reached 750 followers this morning.

My excitement can not be contained. Here's a few exclamation points:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup.

If Dr. Hedden only knew how badly I needed this... *sigh*. Or if he knew how horrible my chest looks and how the Titan can help. Or how long it has been since I had a manicure or a pedicure (ok, pedicure was on my birthday in March). OR what oddly colored hair on my face needs to be removed like YESTERDAY because the Mirena is WEIRD sometimes.

But he knows none of that.

For now.

The Jealousy Line starts in the comments section. :)

Fail-Safe Aging Secrets

There you go. Fill that with money... because I am about to share an amazing trick that will make you all go "I wonder how much money I should send Amanda for this amazing piece of knowledge. Is a box full enough?"


Answer: No, but because I love all of you a box will do just fine.
(I'd recommend getting that Box O'Money weighed for proper shipping fees)


How To Feel Younger Overnight:


Step 1 - Go through a really stressful situation. The more stressful, the better. (this isn't called How To Feel BETTER Overnight, just 'younger') (stop complaining) ($5.95 for shipping and handling for excessive bitching) (it's in the fine print).


Step 2 - Forget your 'actual' age. This works best if you genuinely forget it. None of that fake "oh damn! I forgot to thaw out the meat! Guess it's pizza tonight" crap. I am talking about "wow. I have no clue what happened last night but I know vodka and the Cotton Eyed Joe were involved" forgetting. THAT kind of forget.


Step 3 - Tell everyone your 'new' age. (higher than your actual age or this doesn't work) By 'everyone' I clearly mean 'the internet'.


Step 4 - Correct your husband in public when he mentions your 'real' age. Insist he is being an asshole for getting it wrong.


Step 5 - Do this enough that eventually your husband gets annoyed and corrects YOU for being so wrong.


Step 6 - Remember that you are *supposed* to be forgetting your 'actual' age and act confused because you sincerely believe that you are your 'new' age.


Step 7 - Have husband rolling on the floor laughing because he thinks you have for reals forgotten how old you are.


Step 8 - Frantically google "age if birthday is xx-xx-1984". Come up with nothing. Try about 4 different versions of this sentence praying for an "age calculator".


Step 9 - Fail at finding an app for that.


Step 10 - Have a complete stranger point out that he was born a month after you and is currently your 'real' age.


Step 11 - Congratulations. Instead of thinking you are 26, and have been for the last 2+ months, you realize you are in REAL LIFE 25.


Yeah. I gained a year.


Thank me later.


Or just go ahead and send in that box of money.